Here’s Where the Story Ends, Wednesday One-liners

Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about.

–65th & 2nd

Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn

Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion.

–Posh, W. 51st Street

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Dude on cell: …yeah..you are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello…

–West 4th & Macdougal

Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know?

–LIRR

Overheard by: maura johnston

Posted on July 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Infidelity, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires, Words

Unless You're Determined to Raise a Crappy Person

Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.

–Katz Deli

Overheard by: M. McOrmick

Posted on July 9, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, Delis, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts

It Turned Out Just to Be a Pepperoni-shaped Sore

Crazy lady: Can I taste that pizza?
Whole Foods employee: No, you're only allowed one sample, and I already gave you one.
Crazy lady: No, you didn't!
Employee: Yes I did, I can see it in your mouth!
Guy in line: Gross.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Posted on July 8, 2015
Body Parts, Clerks, Crazies, Customers, Offers and requests, Pizza, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods

I've Fucked Dozens Of People I Disapprove Of Completely

Bisexual guy: They say a boner is the body's natural thumbs up.
Transexual guy: Wait a minute.

–Harlem

Posted on July 7, 2015
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Erections, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Penis, Trannies

Lucinda's the Most Interesting Weathergirl in the Tri-State Area

African man: Does it feel hot here?
African-American woman: I dunno. My boobs ain't sweatin'.

–F Train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on July 6, 2015
Africans, Body Parts, Default, Heat, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Women

But, to Be Fair, We Also Said That About the Cast Of The Real World

Little girl #1, looking at Neanderthal diorama: I just saw her pupils move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her hair move!
Little girl #3: I just saw her blink!
Little girl #1: I just saw his penis move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her boob move!
Little girl #1: I think those are real people!
Little girl #2: Me, too!
Little girl #3: Me, three!

–Museum Of Natural History

Overheard by: Jennifer

Posted on July 5, 2015
Body Parts, Hair, Kids, Museum of Natural History, Penis, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Heather Gave Sir Paul Exactly What He Wanted

Hobo to one-legged girl walking by: Damn you're sexy, even without that leg!
Bag lady: He wants you to fuck him with your nub.

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on July 3, 2015
Alphabet City, Backdoor, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Horny, Parks, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Now I Fantasize about Suicide, Like Everybody Else in the City

Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…

–2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: bestbelieve

Posted on July 2, 2015
Body Parts, Crazies, Men, Rumor Has It, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Comebacks, Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, Preachers, Union Square and East Village

Now It’s “Intentional”

Girl: I really enjoy going to movies by myself these days. Most of the guys I date, we don’t have same taste in movies.
Guy: That’s a great idea. Plus, you don’t get some weirdo trying to
“inadvertantly” place your hand on his cock.

–L train

Overheard by: Vivian

Posted on July 1, 2015
Body Parts, Dating, Movie Theaters, Movies, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

Body Parts