Body Parts

The Rules Are Different For Male Strippers

Girl, accidentally touching guy's hand: I'm so sorry!
Guy: That's okay, you can put your hands wherever you want.

–1 Train

Headline by: Jared Rizzi

Runners-Up:
· “Female Muggers Everywhere Have a Breakthrough” – Mo Rod
· “He Has the Most Sucess at Petting Zoos” – Kelly
· “He Ran When She Eyed His Ass and Curled Her Hand Into a Fist” – Joel Moore
· “He’ll Regret This Statement Once Flesh-eating Disease Sets In…” – James
· “How Fisting Came Into Existence” – Thug Audit
· “How Jimmy Lost His Wallet” – BabakganoosH
· “Purell’s New Ad Campaign” – blistexaddict
· “Why Frank Was Never Good at Twister…” – Amy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Twin African Spiny Hedgehogs

Guy #1: Do you have grey hair on your neck too?
Guy #2: Yeah, I do.
Guy #1: Oh, thank god, I thought I was the only one.
Guy #3: Don't worry, you should see my testicles.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Steve

If You’re Nice, They’ll Check Your Prostate

Broker guy: So did you go to Moran’s last night?
Trader guy: Nah, can’t get these guys to go there. They keep trying to drag me to Light.
Broker guy: Oh yeah, you don’t like the place?
Trader guy: Nah, every time I go there I feel like I gotta check my testicles at the door.

–American Stock Exchange, Trinity Street

Overheard by: Dermot Lynch

He’ll Grow into Them

Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.

–NJ Transit train

Grey’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie

Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?

–Times Square

Overheard by: jacki

Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl.

–White St & W. Broadway

Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story..

Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!

–Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Not High, Kumar

Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose.

–The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th

Our Wednesday One-Liners, Ourselves

Woman conductor: Take all of your personal belongings and all parts of your body as you leave the train.

–Brooklyn-bound D train

Bronx woman: I do not have ‘cheeseburger’ written on my forehead.

–Parkchester, Bronx

Overheard by: walking too fast to hear more

20-something girl to woman praying with legs wide open: When I move over it’s so your warm thighs aren’t pressed up against mine.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: lisa l.

Chick: So then he slammed my infected eyebrow right into his crotch. It was terrific!

–Theater, 1st Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

British guy to girlfriend: Can I have your tongue?

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave

Skinny 20-something: My head swung like a pendulum… I had a brain injury, but it’s okay because the part of the brain that got injured — the doctors are unsure of its function.

–7 train

Overheard by: Holy Crap!

Middle-aged guy lunching with female companions: So… Do you know if there’s any other organs on my body that could grow teeth?

–Sushi Samba, West Village

The Local Crackhead Players' Production Of Pinocchio Left a Lot to Be Desired

Crackhead #1: Nah, I ain't.
Crackhead #2: Yo man, yo tongue be black, yo nose be wood and long. You be fibbin'!

–Ave A & 2nd St

Overheard by: Brian

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Shit Stuck in the Ass is Called Digestion

Chick #1: I felt a pop so I looked back and the string had broke.
Chick #2: How will you get it out then?
Chick #1: I don’t know. Bend over and stick a tweezer up there? Imagine if I can’t get it out and I have to go to the hospital, they’ll lock me up!
Chick #2: Nah, people get weirder stuff than that stuck up their ass all the time, like animals and shit.

–Bx34 bus

Overheard by: LLMT

Not with My Toenails like This

Suit #1: Do you lose toenails periodically?
Suit #2: Seriously, I won’t bone your sister.

–Midtown

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