Even Hens Aren’t That Chicken

Teen girl: Do you like stroking my ears?
Teen guy: Do you like it when I stroke your ears?
Teen girl: That was one of the first things I noticed about you…that you were stroking my ears.
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Have you done it to other girls before?
Teen guy: Wha?
Teen girl: I guess my boobs are really small, and you need something to grab on to.
Teen guy: …Do you ever cook meat?
Teen girl: This one time the mother of the kids I nanny made me make them chicken nuggets. But she left raw chicken out on the corner, and I had to make them in the bag with the Shake N’ bag, and I literally called my mother, like, sobbing, while I was shaking.
Teen guy: Whoa. That’s sucks that she made you, like, compromise your, like…Yeah…Yo…

–A train

Overheard by: subversively chic

Posted on June 9, 2015
Body Parts, Food, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

Yeah? I'd Love to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee!

Guy trying to plug laptop charger into outlet: Mind if I sneak this cord between your legs?
Girl near outlet: Sure! That sounds hot! It's the best offer I've gotten all day!
(guy blushes profusely)

–Think Coffee, Mercer St

Overheard by: Carmi

Posted on June 9, 2015
Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Laptop, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

Kinda Cool That It's Shaped Like a Question Mark, Though.

Pretty 20-something girl #1: No, he's not like mentally retarded, More like physically retarded.
Pretty 20-something girl #2: Oh, like my toe.
Pretty 20-something girl #1: Exactly.

–Wall Street

Posted on June 8, 2015
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Handicaps, Retardation, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Rules Are Different For Male Strippers

Girl, accidentally touching guy's hand: I'm so sorry!
Guy: That's okay, you can put your hands wherever you want.

–1 Train

Headline by: Jared Rizzi

Runners-Up:
· “Female Muggers Everywhere Have a Breakthrough” – Mo Rod
· “He Has the Most Sucess at Petting Zoos” – Kelly
· “He Ran When She Eyed His Ass and Curled Her Hand Into a Fist” – Joel Moore
· “He’ll Regret This Statement Once Flesh-eating Disease Sets In…” – James
· “How Fisting Came Into Existence” – Thug Audit
· “How Jimmy Lost His Wallet” – BabakganoosH
· “Purell’s New Ad Campaign” – blistexaddict
· “Why Frank Was Never Good at Twister…” – Amy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 3, 2015
Apologies, Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Twin African Spiny Hedgehogs

Guy #1: Do you have grey hair on your neck too?
Guy #2: Yeah, I do.
Guy #1: Oh, thank god, I thought I was the only one.
Guy #3: Don't worry, you should see my testicles.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on June 2, 2015
Balls, Body Parts, Colors, Guys, Hair, On the Subway, Questions

If You’re Nice, They’ll Check Your Prostate

Broker guy: So did you go to Moran’s last night?
Trader guy: Nah, can’t get these guys to go there. They keep trying to drag me to Light.
Broker guy: Oh yeah, you don’t like the place?
Trader guy: Nah, every time I go there I feel like I gotta check my testicles at the door.

–American Stock Exchange, Trinity Street

Overheard by: Dermot Lynch

Posted on May 30, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Manhattan, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

He’ll Grow into Them

Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.

–NJ Transit train

Posted on May 30, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Ew, Jersey, Family Ties, Hair, Kids, Men, Nipples, People, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Women

Grey’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie

Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?

–Times Square

Overheard by: jacki

Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl.

–White St & W. Broadway

Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story..

Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!

–Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Not High, Kumar

Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose.

–The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th

Posted on May 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Firemen, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Our Wednesday One-Liners, Ourselves

Woman conductor: Take all of your personal belongings and all parts of your body as you leave the train.

–Brooklyn-bound D train

Bronx woman: I do not have ‘cheeseburger’ written on my forehead.

–Parkchester, Bronx

Overheard by: walking too fast to hear more

20-something girl to woman praying with legs wide open: When I move over it’s so your warm thighs aren’t pressed up against mine.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: lisa l.

Chick: So then he slammed my infected eyebrow right into his crotch. It was terrific!

–Theater, 1st Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

British guy to girlfriend: Can I have your tongue?

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave

Skinny 20-something: My head swung like a pendulum… I had a brain injury, but it’s okay because the part of the brain that got injured — the doctors are unsure of its function.

–7 train

Overheard by: Holy Crap!

Middle-aged guy lunching with female companions: So… Do you know if there’s any other organs on my body that could grow teeth?

–Sushi Samba, West Village