Wednesday One-Liners Are Coming to Dinner

Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.

–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: EA

Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.

–West Village

Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Debbie

Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.

–Clinton & Stanton

Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.

–Bus to Penn Station

Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!

–100th & Broadway

Overheard by: briana

Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.

–West Village

Overheard by: RBNY

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Food, Homeless, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Rimming, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Got It in Pearl

Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down…

–43rd & 8th

Posted on January 16, 2015
Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Getting Off, Manhattan, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pizza, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village

Kentucy Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Overheard by: Jaco

Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…

–Fairmay Market, Red Hook

Overheard by: RStein

Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!

–Union Square

Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.

–Kinokuniya Bookstore

Overheard by: Chris Coll

Posted on January 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Old People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Store, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Carry On, Then

Boyfriend: Don't do that. Hey, you just sexually abused me!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but you liked it.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kait

Posted on January 11, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, On the Subway, Sex, Talking/Convos

One Quote. So Many Questions

Dude: Also, it was kind of fun to walk down the street hitting myself in the neck with a hammer.
Chick: I think that was around the same time as the plastic cube.
Dude: No, I wasn't wearing the plastic box on my head at that point. It would have interfered with the neck hammering.

–Lenny's Bagels, 23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on January 5, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Kick, Weirdness

And Leprosy?

Hungover girl #1: You and Kevin* seemed to be having a good time last night.
Hungover girl #2: Yeah, it was weird, though… I think one of his teeth fell out while we were making out.
Hungover girl #1: … He has a tongue ring, you idiot.

–Columbia campus

Posted on January 1, 2015
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard)

We Were Following You Until “Crucifix”

Six-year-old daughter, looking at jewelry with her father: Daddy, do you wear jewelry?
Father: No.
Daughter: Mommy wears jewelry.
Father: Well, I'm not mommy. Unless you see a crucifix behind my head.

–Macy's

Posted on December 31, 2014
Body Parts, Christianity, Dads, Fashion, Kids, Physical appearance, Store

Dr. Frankenstein’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Yeah, so I gotta get my intestine.

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Already Got One

Man on cell: My left testicle’s on 57th Street, my leg’s on 58th Street, and my nose is falling off!

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Megan

Lady to friend: She’s a wimp even though she ain’t got no legs.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: snayl

Bimbette: Like, I totally starting choking. Something got stuck in my coccyx. It was bad.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: DD

Gangsta on cell: I got a strong tongue. Any mood you in, I can fix.

–E Houston & Orchard

Crazy old man, pointing and yelling at little kid: Your skin is on backwards! Don’t be naive!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: tj

Posted on December 28, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Conjoined, Bearded Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.

–Union Square

Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.

–St.Mark's Place

Suit: And his head was askew…

–79th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.

–The Village

Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Rick

50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!

–Broadway & 59th St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on December 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael

Posted on December 24, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Default, Fashion, Fire, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Intelligentsia, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Body Parts