Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Couples, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Penis, Punks, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

“And have the same name as my sister?”

Chick #1: Girl, my feets is killin’ me. I’s goin’ home, gettin’ in bed, put on the TV. I’m done.
Chick #2: Change your name to Saran, ’cause it’s a wrap.

–Times Square station

Posted on January 29, 2015
Body Parts, People, Times Square

This Actually Makes Me Want to Have Kids

Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.]

–C Train

Overheard by: never having kids

Posted on January 29, 2015
Body Parts, Brothers, Default, Food, Hair, Kids, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teeth, Threats, Weirdness

Armani's New Overall Line Has Left Everyone Confused

Queer: I need to cut my fingernails. I keep meaning to get clippers, but then I forget.
Girl assistant: Why don't you just bite them?
Queer (offended): I am not a farmer!

–Queens

Overheard by: Jodi

Posted on January 28, 2015
Advice, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Queens, Queer guys, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!

–11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.

–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St

Overheard by: McF

Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"

–8th St & 23rd St

Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!

–58th & 9th

Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."

–57th & 7th

Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!

–Amsterdam & 83rd

Posted on January 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Queer guys, Sex, The Village, Three is Company, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Maybe It’s Maybelline

Chick: I have to run in here and get more ChapStick.
Guy: You just bought chapstick yesterday.
Chick: My dog steals them and eats them.
Guy: That must be why his lips are so soft.

–Columbus between 89th & 90th

Posted on January 22, 2015
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Fashion, Food, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.

–Queens Boulevard

Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: cisium

Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!

–PATH

Overheard by: Best line I heard all night

Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!

–2nd Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz

Posted on January 21, 2015
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Shoes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

No One Invited Me

Woman: Something got stuck in my sinuses, then it went down my spine and had a party.

–BBQ, UWS

Posted on January 19, 2015
Body Parts, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Manhattan, People, Places, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

We Only Regret Having to Reach Our Destination

Woman #1: What the fuck are you pushing me for? You think you own this damn train, get the fuck off of me!
Man: Miss, I was just…
Woman #1: Just fucking what? I don’t need to be feeling your ass up against my hands, nigga!
Woman #2: Honey, just…
Woman #1: Bitch, you just shut up! All you motherfuckers, stop looking this way, this doesn’t involve y’all!
Conductor over PA: Good afternoon, I hope everyone is having an enjoyable ride home…

–Downtown 4 train, pm rush hour

Overheard by: Vinnie

Posted on January 19, 2015
Anger Management, Ass, Body Parts, Conductors, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Coming to Dinner

Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.

–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: EA

Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.

–West Village

Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Debbie

Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.

–Clinton & Stanton

Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.

–Bus to Penn Station

Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!

–100th & Broadway

Overheard by: briana

Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.

–West Village

Overheard by: RBNY

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Food, Homeless, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Rimming, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Body Parts