Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pictures, Queer guys, Sex, Staten Island, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Wishes & desires

“My pectorals also seem overdeveloped.”

Girl #1: I think I hurt myself. Look at this. What is this?
Girl #2: That’s a muscle.
Girl #1: Right there?
Girl #2: It’s a calf. It’s supposed to have a muscle.

–NYSC, 59th & Park

Overheard by: Katie C

Posted on February 13, 2015
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: thorn

Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.

–81st & 1st

Overheard by: Tim

Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: k

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Elevators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, Happiness, Holidays, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Punch, Singing, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Knew a Girl Like That Once

Guy #1: You’re the first person I’ve seen that washed their hands before going to the toilet.
Guy #2: My godfather was a doctor and he got it into my head at a young enough age that I had to always do it.
Guy #1: Really? He must have been a bit of a strange doctor.
Guy #2: Yeah…He specialized in infectious diseases.

–Milk and Honey bathroom, Eldridge Street

Posted on February 12, 2015
Body Parts, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, People, Soho, Stall Spies

Nobody Says “Flip-Flops” Since Kerry Lost the Election

Guy: I would literally sell a toe right now to have someone do this paper for me. Any toe. Literally, any one.
Girl: Really? Any one? Even the big one? ‘Cause then you couldn’t wear thong sandals… Or have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I want to wear thong sandals.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 11, 2015
Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Relationships, Students

Chosen for What, Is the Question

Teen girl #1: Yeah, so being Jewish is worlds of fun. We are better than everyone else.
Teen girl #2: I want to be Jewish!
Mom of girl #1: Sorry, honey, we are the chosen people.
Queer passerby: Not with that nose, honey.

–19th & 5th

Posted on February 4, 2015
Body Parts, Jews, Judaism, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queer guys, Teens

The Exact Point at Which I Shit Myself

Girl #1: When I got the shit beat out of me last year it broke my septum and I had to get surgery on my nose.
Girl #2: You did not get the shit beat out of you! A homeless woman punched you in the face!

–NYU

Posted on February 4, 2015
Body Parts, Girls, Homeless, NYU, Punch, Surgery

It’ll Be Just Like Playing Cat’s Cradle

Tween girl #1: I don’t understand why anyone would be pro-life.
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I’m gonna get my tubes tied once I’m old enough.

–16th & 2nd

Overheard by: alex duncan

Posted on February 2, 2015
Abortion, Body Parts, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Places, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Topics, Tweens

So You Should Probably Stop Making Out with Her

Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]

–9th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch

Headline by: troy

Runners-Up:

· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer

· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED

· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur

· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 1, 2015
Abortion, Body Parts, Death, Food, Gadgets, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Kink, Manhattan, Names, Terrorism, Union Square and East Village

You Realize Giving Head Makes You Gay, Right?

Busker with jackhammer vibrato: Some say looooooooove it is a huuuuuuuuuuuuunger…
Suit: I'm going to chew off my cortex.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 1, 2015
Body Parts, Love, Musicians, On the Subway, Singing, Suits, Vendors & Street Performers

Body Parts