Wednesday One-Liners See London and France

30-something guy to another: She works for Sesame Street so she gets a lot of free underwear.

–Brooklyn Label, Greenpoint

Girl: Yeah, dude. She wasn't wearing any underwear so everyone was trying to pull down her skirt!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Mollie

Tourist mom in matching pink jumpsuit, struggling with too many children: Oh my Jesus, I wore the wrong thong today!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Emily

Puzzled hipster on cell: Wait…how did wearing a thong fuck up her eye?

–7th St & Ave A

Hipster girl on cell: Did you get your underwear? Lindsey! Goddamn it! "Eat" sounds nothing like "get!" Fuck! What? Fuck you, bitch! Taste of my own medicine, bullshit! I heard nothing about gnawing on my own underwear!

–Baskin-Robbins, Mulberry

Overheard by: Hana

Very blond mother pushing baby carriage, on cell: I don't care, we've talked about this! Don't fucking touch my underwear!

–20th St & 7th Ave

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Nudity, Offers and requests, Questions, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners … For Me to Poop On!

Girl yelling at guy wearing ridiculously oversized shorts: Eat my shit out the toilet! Stew my shit and eat it!

–109th & Manhattan

Random girl: The only thing is, you have to flush your own toilet paper.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Overheard by: the old fashioned way

Teenager: So then I pooped my pants, and my belt buckle exploded!

–Fulton Street

Overheard by: The Lane Train

10-year-old boy walking with his mom and sister: I'm a good guy. I don't pee on the floor. Or doo doo.

–Broadway, Astoria

Teen on cell: Alright, I'm gonna go home. I gotta clean up some poop.

–49th & 3rd

Girl: He called me last night and said he wanted to see me! When the maid knocked on the door I thought it was him and I thought, "I think I have to poop!"

–Milford Hotel Lobby

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pee, Poop, Teens, Tourist Attractions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I'm Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I'm not really sure what that makes me.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: half Jewish, half Gemini

Guy: Oh, I know Jewish girls give good head!

–81st & Amsterdam

Awkward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all worship Barbara Walters as their Spider Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(outside the Marionette Theater's showing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jewish man.

–Outside the Marionette Theatre, Central Park

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

–German Beer Garden, Williamsburg

Overheard by: POLA

Woman on cell: Well, he wasn't as forthcoming with me as he is with you, probably because I keep telling him to stop dating that fat Asian girl and find himself a nice Jewish girl instead …

–Broadway & Prince

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Kids, Nazis, On Cell, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Soho, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

The Devil Wore Wednesday One-Liners

Man on phone: Well, I got a shirt but it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I'm gonna go to Whole Foods and get some breadsticks.

–Astor Place

Older, bespectacled white male at table with wife: Motherfuckin' tube socks…

–Jazz Standard, 27th & Park

Overheard by: V

6'6" man (earnestly): Honestly, if I were Hillary, I would never wear a pantsuit! You know what I mean?

–Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: Ingwall

Cracker: I hate fighting rastas. Man, I really do. It's those hats…you never know what they're hiding in those fuckin' hats!

–Marcy & Broadway

Man: Do you realize you just offended a man carrying an organic tote bag?

–6 Train

Overheard by: wb

Barfly to bartender: Is that your belt or a wrinkle in the fabric of time?

–Thirsty Scholar, 2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jas

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Customers, Druggies, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Hospitals, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, Philosophy, Politics, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow

Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.

–6th & 51st

Overheard by: simon

Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue…like, royal blue…a little lighter…no, not baby blue…like, American flag blue…like…yeah.

–Jamaica LIRR Station

Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts…and they weren't even gay!

–55th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay

Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"

–The Frying Pan, Chelsea

Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"

–4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Food, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hipsters, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway

Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement

Old guy: I heard they have a ride for kids over there.
Ghetto guy: Are you kidding me? The only good ride you can get around here is nine chicks and one dude!

–Nostrand Ave & Ave Y, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amber S

Posted on September 30, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Guys, Kids, Old People, Questions, Sex, Words

Every Brilliant Idea Has a Catch

Waitress #1: Do you have any tampons?
Waitress #2: Yeah, I have regular and super.
Waitress #1: Are they the plastic kind? The cardboard snags my vagina.

–Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Unappetized

Posted on September 30, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Default, Gender issues, Menstruation, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vagina, Waitresses, Weirdness

I Gag Every Time I Look at 1970's Beaver Shots

Nine-year-old girl: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
14-year-old girl: Well, I'm a Democrat.
Nine-year-old girl: Why?
14-year-old girl: Well, in my opinion, being a Democrat means you don't like Bush.
Nine-year-old girl: Oh. I'm a Democrat, too.

–Brooklyn Public Library, Greenpoint Branch

Overheard by: Jack Jackl

Posted on September 29, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Library, Politics, President, Questions, Teens

The Hokey Pokey Is Very Popular in New York

Boy in hat: You gotta remember, you have to squeeze the left nipple.
Girl: Ohhhhh. Of course.

–Bedford & 3rd

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on September 27, 2008
Advice, Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Nipples, Weirdness

Suddenly Sober, Alice Put Out the Cigarette

Drunk chick: I don't care if you let me I'm smoking this fucking cigarette. (lights it)
Driver: Brunettes are slutty.
Drunk chick: What?
Driver: It's okay, I like slutty chicks.

–Taxi Cab, Williamsburg

Overheard by: where's waldo?

Posted on September 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Cabbies, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Weirdness