Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Or Maybe That Was “Don't Use a Hotplate in Your Bedroom.” Hmm…

Catholic schoolgirl #1: I think I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend tonight.
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Well, you know… you can't use a condom.
Catholic schoolgirl #1: Really?
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Yeah… they taught us that in school, hello?!

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jessa

Posted on December 7, 2009
Brooklyn, Catholics, Condoms, Education, Elementary & Middle School, School and studying, Sex, Starbucks, Students

Bless Me, Father, for I Have Wednesday One-Linered

Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SilentRaver

Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Heather

Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!

–R Train

Overheard by: Amanduh

Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown

Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!

–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Catholics, Christianity, Church, Crazies, Creepsters, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Gripes, Guys, Jesus, Judaism, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

According to Zagat's

Church lady #1: You should try this restaurant I went to last week in Brooklyn.
Church lady #2: Oh, is that in the hood?
Church lady #1: No, it's not quite in the hood, but it's close. It's about two stops from the hood.

–A Train

Overheard by: what's happening to our hood?

Posted on December 5, 2008
Catholics, Directions, Food, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.

–44th & 9th

Overheard by: …right.

Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!

–110th & Amsterdam

Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!

–Starbucks, Upper West Side

Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!

–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union

Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!

–Party, W 72nd & Broadway

Posted on March 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Catholics, Christianity, Clothing, College, Default, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, God Squad, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Jews, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Rockefeller Center, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourist Attractions, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection of That Event

Chick, about a shiksa: … So she asked me what Passover was, and I told her. She thought it was weird and was like, ‘I don’t celebrate killing people!’
Jewish girl: I don’t remember killing anyone.
Catholic girl: Um, Jesus?

–Barnard dorm

Overheard by: Isn’t it nice we can discuss this candidly?

Posted on May 5, 2007
Catholics, Columbia (& Barnard), Jesus, Judaism, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

She Only Feels Well in Even-Numbered Years

Mourner: Hi, I haven’t seen you in a long time! How’s your mother?
Priest: She’s okay. She won’t be coming today because she’s not feeling well. She just turned 95.
Mourner: 95! She’s that old? Holy crap!

— Funeral Home, Rockaway Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: Les Izzmore