Blonde model: I can’t believe she wants President Bush at her wedding!
Brunette model: I know. What if he says “nuc-u-lar” or something!?
Blonde model: Why would he say “nuc-u-lar” at a wedding?
Brunette model: Helloooo? Because he’s the President!
Blonde model: True…
–67th & Madison
Pretty young woman #1: So, what's everyone doing for the dyke march tomorrow?
Pretty young woman #2: I'm going to Long Island for a baby shower.
–F Train
Chick: Happy birthday!…What’s your name?
–203 Spring, Spring Street
Father to teenage daughter: Oh, well…the party was in Queens.
Daughter: Fuck Queens!
Father, quickly checking calendar on cell phone: Not on Gay Pride Day, honey.
Daughter: Haha! Hang on, I'm going to write that down. I'll use it in a story for my creative writing class!
Father: Oh, don't write it down…it's not even funny. And always remember…if you want your story to be funny, just put in a monkey. It always works for me!
Daughter: Didn't you novel get bad reviews, though? They said it wasn't funny at all.
Father: Well, obviously, I should have written in several more monkeys.
–Tompkins Square Park
Black 15-year-old kid: What you doing on Halloween?
White 15-year-old kid: Gettin' laid.
Black 15-year-old kid: What the fuck? Gettin' laid on Halloween? That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit!
–Gym Locker Room, Bayside, New York
Overheard by: tbomb
Girl #1: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl #2: Of course!
Girl #1: Yay! Let's smear dark chocolate all over our buttocks and spank each other with peacock feathers! And suck on each others candy necklaces.
Girl #2: You're kinky.
Girl #1: You know it.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: kinkyvalentines
Man: So, you’re *finally* wearing green for Saint Patrick’s Day.
Woman: I wore a green dress on Saint Patrick’s Day. I’m half Irish and half German.
Man: Oh, we’re all Mongols, aren’t we?
–William & Ann
Eight-year-old boy to friend: If we go to college do you wanna be roommates? What college do you wanna go to? I wanna go to Yale. Actually, no, I hate Yale. They have naked parties.
–P.S. 3, Hudson St, between Bleecker & Grove
Overheard by: Joeb
Black dude: Get this — the theme of the party is ‘Bring a white chick.’
–Union Square
Girl on cell: So, how was that party last night? Did you find anything to stick your dick in?
–14th & 5th
Little kid: Toga! Toga! Toga!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Matt Roca
Fat sweatsuit on cell: Order me some wings — I’m ready to party! I said order me some wings — I’m ready to party!
–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: Queemys Mommy
50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.
–PATH
Overheard by: Joe H.
Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.
–Rivington & Attorney
Overheard by: I wasn't invited either
Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!
–West Bank Cafe
60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.
–Central Park
20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!
–7th Ave Subway Entrance
Gangsta retail guy: So this party last night was for real, totally got blasted, couldn't even wake up this morning…
Gay retail guy: I'd come to one of your parties, but all you guys do is get wasted.
Gangsta retail guy: Yeah, I'd go to one of your parties too, but all you guys do is fuck each other.
–Target, Bronx
Overheard by: Good Craic
