Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

You Can, Too– We Really Don't Mind

Young black teen: Is that a North Face jacket you're wearing?
White guy: Yes, it is.
Other young black teen: Do you use it to go skiing?
White guy: Uh, yes.
Young black teen to friend: See! I told you white people use North Face jackets to go skiing!

–F Train

Posted on February 25, 2015
Black People, Clothing, Friends, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Sports, Teens, White People

And Not on a Webcam Like Us

Hipster girl #1: Oh my god! Did you see her shorts?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I know. She might as well be fucking a black guy right here on the street corner.

–54th & 2nd

Overheard by: girl in shorts’ friend

Posted on February 21, 2015
Clothing, Hipsters, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Race, Sex

Go Back to Elsewhere!

Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.

–Hunt Valley bus

Overheard by: Katie Cheek

Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!

–Morningside Heights

Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?

–1 train

Overheard by: Matt G

Posted on February 20, 2015
Clothing, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Bus, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Stupidity, Terrorism, Tourism, Tourists

Her Clothes Framed Rather Than Concealed

Hispanic teen #1: Yo, man, I was with this girl last night, and she was dressed all naked and shit, man.
Hispanic teen #2: Word? She was dressed all naked?
Hispanic teen #1: [Nods.]Hispanic teen #3: Word?

–Houston & Washington

Posted on February 19, 2015
Clothing, Idiots, Latinos, Nudity, Sex & Relationships, Talking/Convos, Teens, West Village, Words

That’s What You Said about Your Unwanted Pregnancy

Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!

–2 train

Posted on February 17, 2015
Cell Phone, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

And Play Boggle ‘Til at Least Ten O’Clock!

Tourist #1: Last night I wasn’t really wild. I really want to be wild tonight.
Tourist #2: Last night you weren’t wild? I would actually be a little scared to see you go really wild, then.
Tourist #1: Well tonight I’m going to be really crazy. Tonight I’m going to wear my yellow dress!

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

Posted on February 16, 2015
Clothing, Colors, Default, Theater, Threats, Tourists, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Apparently, Someone Is Acquainted with NASA's Standards for Launch-Readiness

Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!

–Rubulad, Brooklyn

Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.

Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie
· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 14, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Nudity, Strangers

Clothing