Hispanic teen #1: Yo, man, I was with this girl last night, and she was dressed all naked and shit, man.
Hispanic teen #2: Word? She was dressed all naked?
Hispanic teen #1: [Nods.]Hispanic teen #3: Word?
–Houston & Washington
Hispanic teen #1: Yo, man, I was with this girl last night, and she was dressed all naked and shit, man.
Hispanic teen #2: Word? She was dressed all naked?
Hispanic teen #1: [Nods.]Hispanic teen #3: Word?
–Houston & Washington
Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!
–2 train
Tourist #1: Last night I wasn’t really wild. I really want to be wild tonight.
Tourist #2: Last night you weren’t wild? I would actually be a little scared to see you go really wild, then.
Tourist #1: Well tonight I’m going to be really crazy. Tonight I’m going to wear my yellow dress!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?
–Outside Times Square Police Station
Overheard by: leah
Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Claire
Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!
–38th St, Astoria
Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"
–Lexington & 75th
Overheard by: wb
Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?
–Bensonhurst
Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!
–Rubulad, Brooklyn
Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.
Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie
· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan
Bimbo: I’d put on a sweater and baggy pants, and everyone would be like, “Wow, that’s so Margello!”
–Ave A & 3rd St.
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.
–Train to Glen Rock
Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.
–West End Ave
Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian
Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!
–Bedford Park, Bronx
Overheard by: Cousin It
Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.
–Pier 45, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn
Conductor, over speaker: Excuse me, young lady in the pink shirt. Stop holding the door!
Someone else wearing a pink shirt: But I’m not!
–E train
Chick #1: So, I was taking his pants off and I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, he’s wearing whitey-tighties!’ And then I realized they were actually black..
Chick #2: You didn’t know already that he was black?!
–Brother Jimmy’s BBQ
Overheard by: Joe John
