Girl with scarf: So that's when I just, you know, decided that I'd have to just give up.
Blonde girl: Well, you're only human.
Girl with scarf: I know, I know.
Blonde girl: We're all only human.
(pause)
Blonde girl: Except for Terry. He's a robot.
Girl with scarf: Ohmigod! I am so glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks that!
–N Train
Jewish guy on cell: I finally got evangelized this week! (pause) It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be.
–121st & Broadway
Lady on cell: Have fun with the… what do you call them… Oh, people!
—Shakespeare in the Park Line, Central Park
Overheard by: Megan W.
20-something male looking at painting: Hangings probably aren't as fun as they look.
–MoMa
Kid to his mother: Wow! The critics were right, this is the most fun you can have while sitting down!
–Outside Hairspray
Overheard by: DeDra
Mother, during tour: I noticed a lot of students have piercings. Can you recommend a good place around here?
–NYU
Grad student on cell: Hey, it's me. Tomorrow, dress appropriately. It's supposed to be 65, so I'll bring a frisbee. Afterward, I want to go to your place because there's certain things I want to do, and your place is much more (pause) conducive for certain activities.
–NYU
Overheard by: DrNels
Girl to another: I used to drink sangria before my classes at NYU.
–Rockefeller Center
NYU student to friend: Man, you gotta remember, you gotta know–you have to stuff that bitch. You gotta know.
–Weinstein Hall, University Place
NYU law student: You know what I love about this building? It smells like a new BMW.
–NYU Law Building
Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!
–Deli, Greenpoint
Guy: Okay: he's bad, but he's not that bad.
Girl: No, seriously! He's like Miley fucking Cyrus. Fucking annoying, way too into himself, and everywhere. He is the Party in the USA.
Guy: Dude!
–4th Ave & 9th St
Mother to six-year-old daughter: How do you feel?
Six-year-old girl: Like P. Diddy.
–Queens Blvd & 63rd Dr
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
Elderly lady, seeing cover of People magazine: “Johnny Depp, sexiest man alive”? I don't care. Who cares? (to cashier) Do you care?
Cashier: I don't care.
Elderly lady: His mother might care.
–Duane Reade
Random girl: I think PETA should be informed any time an animal is fully submerged in a vagina.
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: Jen
20-something platinum blonde to another: Her vagina… Her vagina must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon.
–7th Ave & 12th St
Girl, about her play: I don't think people are going to laugh about the vagina being killed on stage… Yeah, no one's gonna laugh when the vagina dies.
–NYU
Dude questioning another: What do mean by "moderate Taliban"? Like the women can wax their vaginas?
–Elizabeth Street
Young man shouting on cell: Then just tell her you don't like her vagina!
–26th St & Park Ave
60-something balding man: I think quitting teaching is the best thing I've ever done.
Wife: Oh, yeah. Good, honey!
60-something balding man: I mean, I fucking hate kids.
–15th St & 1st Ave
