Pour Some Wednesday One-Liners on Me

Fireman on loudspeaker, as he drives by Magnolia Bakery in fire truck: It's just a cupcake!

–11th & Bleecker

Overheard by: Chris

Disappointed 20-something girl to girlfriends: Yeah, but they don't have chocolate covered penises there.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Brookelyn

Large Italian guy: What happened to my tiramisu? That's what I want to know!

–LIRR to Penn Station

Girl covered in pink frosting on cell: There's frosting all over me!

–170th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Hipster guy on cell: Yeah, so the food was like chocolate and chorizo…mother fucking chocolate and chorizo… No, it was good… You should try it… Why not? Fuck veganism! Some website… Myjambi. M-y-j-a-m-b-i. Why chocolate? How should I know? It's for the website. Yes, the website! I don't know why the dog was there.

–28th & Park

Old woman to overweight woman: You look like you would know the answer to this… Where is a cupcake bakery around here?

–53rd & 3rd

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Firemen, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Italians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, West Village, Women

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?

–Christopher St Pier

Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Pza

20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?

–Denny's

Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Fitness, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queer guys, Queers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Pop Quiz: Which One's Using “Sandwich” As a Euphemism?

Hipster #1: Every time I sleep with your mom she makes me half a sandwich.
Hipster #2: She makes me a low-fat sandwich.
Hipster #1: A half a sandwich is a low-fat sandwich.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Quarter Sandwhich

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Hipsters, Parents, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Words

Laugh While You Can, Stupid Americans! Oh, Sorry…

Arabic professor: “Qadam” means foot. How do you say more than one foot?
Male student: Feet.
(class laughs)
Arabic professor: In Arabic.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Guys, Languages, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Doesn't Explain the Colonel Sanders Suit, Though

British chick: Do you think that you have an accent?
American guy: I've moved around a lot, so I've got a pretty basic American dialect. I've got a bit of a southern drawl, but that's more because I'm lazy.

–R Train

Posted on September 22, 2008
Brits, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Languages, On the Subway, Questions, U.S. Geography

We're on the Verge of a Liberal Education Here

Student #1: What does “NB” stand for, at the end?
Student #2: Tuberculosis.
Student #1: That's “TB”, idiot.

–Newman Vertical Campus, Baruch College

Overheard by: I thought that stood for TELLYtuBBies!

Posted on September 22, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Illness, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Students, Words

Kiefer Sutherland Had Us All Fooled

Loud Latina #1: He was just, like, just so gross. He was all like, “Nobody loves me and my life is so lame.”
Loud Latina #2: Really? I didn't get that from him. I got, you know, “Hey, I'm a typical white guy.”

–Columbia University

Overheard by: anna

Posted on September 22, 2008
Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gripes, Latinos, Race

Probably Out Looking for Pussy for Me

Hobo #1: So then she said she just wanted to be friends, and I was like, “What do you mean by “friends?” Like shake-hands friends? Cause I don't need friends to shake hands with. I'm looking for pussy.”
Hobo #2: Haha, what did she say?
Hobo #1: Well, I dunno, she hasn't called back yet.

–Union Square

Posted on September 21, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friendship, Hobos, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wishes & desires

But Only Certain Kinds of Love

Sorority girl #1: Maybe Italy is, like, the city of love…
Sorority girl #2: No. That's Virginia.

–Wagner College

Posted on September 21, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Global Geography, Love, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, U.S. Geography

That's What We Should Bring to Show and Tell

Little girl #1: Yeah, cookies and onions.
Little girl #2: Cookies!
Little girl #1: Onions.
Little girl #2: Cookies!
Little girl #1: Onions!
Little girl #2: Cookies!
Little girl #1 (pauses, thinks about it): Beer!

–54th & 7th

Overheard by: Chloefron

Posted on September 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Compare/Contrast