Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.
–Union Square
20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.
–2 Train
Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Marie Z.
10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.
–5th Ave
30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!
–Roosevelt Island
Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
Girl: I can't get drunk when you're not.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: You hit me, you're mean to me, you bite me–the last time you left marks on my boobs!
Guy: I never hit you.
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: psychologist-in-waiting
Wife: But, sweetheart, that sort of makes you a terrorist.
Husband: Look, just because I like to blow things up doesn’t make me a terrorist. I’m white!
–Norfolk & Rivington
Overheard by: Adam
Man on sidewalk: You ain’t nuttin’ but a whore! I fed up payin’ fo’ yo’ shit! You gonna go broke!
Woman four stories up: Sweetheart, I got a pussy! I ain’t never gonna go broke!
–11th & 1st
Overheard by: muffin girl
Boyfriend: Have you ever had a weave? Or, like, extensions?
Girlfriend: No! Do I look black to you?
–LIRR
Boyfriend to girlfriend who just took his hand during encore: One song and then you turn all lovey dovey!
Girlfriend: Fine! Give me back my hand!
Boyfriend: No! I like making you do things you don't want to do!
–Radio City Music Hall
Hobo: What you got?! What you got!? What you got?!
White frat boyfriend: I got hos, yo!
White sorority girlfriend: Hey!
White frat boyfriend: I’m not talking about you. I just mean in general.
–33rd & 7th
Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight…
–The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn
