Wednesday One-Liners– Just Like Mom Used to Make!

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.

–M08 Bus

20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!

–207th St & Broadway

Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?

–LIRR

Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.

–Metro-North Rail

Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Carolyn

Posted on May 3, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Apologies, Ass, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Don’t Ask Her About the Pigeons

Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.

–Union Square

Posted on May 1, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Love, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Friends, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Language Barrier, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Queens, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Swirl Was Always My Favorite Kind Of Soft-Serve Ice Cream

Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on April 26, 2015
Babies, Beauty, Black People, Compliments, Couples, Dads, Families, Hobos, Laughter, On the Subway, President, Race, Tourists

And the Marks Were in the Shape of a Heart

Girl: I can't get drunk when you're not.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: You hit me, you're mean to me, you bite me–the last time you left marks on my boobs!
Guy: I never hit you.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: psychologist-in-waiting

Posted on April 25, 2015
Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Rack, Violence

To Say That This Would Hold Up in Court Would Be the Understatement of the Century

Wife: But, sweetheart, that sort of makes you a terrorist.
Husband: Look, just because I like to blow things up doesn’t make me a terrorist. I’m white!

–Norfolk & Rivington

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on April 16, 2015
Couples, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Race, Terrorism, Weirdness

But Do You Think You Can Live on $0.50 a Day?

Man on sidewalk: You ain’t nuttin’ but a whore! I fed up payin’ fo’ yo’ shit! You gonna go broke!
Woman four stories up: Sweetheart, I got a pussy! I ain’t never gonna go broke!

–11th & 1st

Overheard by: muffin girl

Posted on April 12, 2015
Couples, Money & Class, Prostitution, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

If You Do, I’ll Show You My Extensions

Boyfriend: Have you ever had a weave? Or, like, extensions?
Girlfriend: No! Do I look black to you?

–LIRR

Posted on April 6, 2015
Couples, Questions, Race, Trains Not Subway

…That Sounded a Lot Better in My Head.

Boyfriend to girlfriend who just took his hand during encore: One song and then you turn all lovey dovey!
Girlfriend: Fine! Give me back my hand!
Boyfriend: No! I like making you do things you don't want to do!

–Radio City Music Hall

Posted on March 30, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Theater, Wishes & desires

You Never Like to Hear about Where the Money Comes From

Hobo: What you got?! What you got!? What you got?!
White frat boyfriend: I got hos, yo!
White sorority girlfriend: Hey!
White frat boyfriend: I’m not talking about you. I just mean in general.

–33rd & 7th

Posted on March 28, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Frat Boys, Hobos, Prostitution, Relationships, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

Couples