Barkeep, Some Wednesday One-Liners, Please!

Scruffy guy: Maybe you’re allergic to kangaroo milk.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Elaina

Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there’s, like, no eggnog.

–Mercer St

Overheard by: omar

Street sock vendor to another: This country’s immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Cameron Rose

Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin’ water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin’ water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin’ water!

–C train

Overheard by: Chrissy

Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don’t trust nothin’ ‘less it has an umbrella stickin’ out of it. That’s gangsta!

–Atlantic Station Pathmark

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on November 12, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Of Course, I’ve Only Been Home Twice in the Last Twenty Years

Tourist with map: I don’t get it. What’s the difference between the dot stations and the circle stations?
Eccentric New Yorker: Oh, I have no idea. I travel by process of elimination. I get out at a station and see where I am until I get to the right place. I’ve been everywhere. Sheepshead Bay, Kew Gardens…

–Q train

Overheard by: A White Bear

Posted on November 10, 2014
Crazies, NYC Geography, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourists

Presenting the New Catchphrases for 2006

Guy #1: Yesterday this girl said she wanted to throw herself in front of the train and I’m like, “This bitch is crazy.”
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I mean, I see that motherfucka coming and that shit ain’t gonna happen, you know?
Guy #2: Maybe she was depressed.
Guy #1: Are you kidding? That shit is pancake style…bitch is crazy.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Nander

Posted on October 30, 2014
Crazies, Guys, Idiots, Penn Station, Suicide

The Sequined Evening Gown's Just a Little Something I'm Trying Out

Crazy hobo: Well, hey baby, you're beautiful!
Pedestrian: I'm a man, dammit, I'm a man!

–9th Ave

Posted on October 30, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hobos, Strangers

Did You Shave Your Eyes Again, Harry?

Crazy man to cop: Where's you hair? Where's your hair?
Cop: What did you do to yourself?
Crazy man: I didn't do nothin'. Where's your hair?

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Ems

Posted on October 28, 2014
Cops, Crazies, Crazy, Hair, Port Authority, Questions

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

That's Your Answer to Everything, Maria.

Crazy hobo: Marriage is for having children, and gay people never have children! Marriage is for sex, and gay people never have sex!
Latina: He needs to get fucked up the ass.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Ari

Posted on October 23, 2014
Ass, Backdoor, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hobos, Kids, Latinos, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Uh, Your Urine Is Burning a Hole through the Floor, Ma’am

Thug: Yo… You just pissed your pants.
Woman: You don’t think I noticed?! [Continues own conversation nonchalantly.]

–1 train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on October 10, 2014
Crazies, On the Subway, Pee, Thugs

I Propose a Series of Experiments to Test the Theory

Scared tourist #1, whispering: Did that crazy guy just say his dick was bigger than my heart?
Scared tourist #2, whispering back: I think he said his dick was bigger than yours.
Crazy guy: I said my dick is bigger than your heart.

–A train

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on October 8, 2014
Crazies, On the Subway, Penis, Talking/Convos, Tourists

Crazies