Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Erections, Ethnic Food, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Jew Think?

Railway announcer: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, next stop Jamaica, Queens.
Little boy to dad: See, dad… I told you he said “yarmulke”!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Charlotte

Posted on August 5, 2010
Dads, Directions, Judaism, Kids, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Words

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Black Guys Running the Bases in a Suspicious Manner?

Little boy, pointing at NYPD helicopter: Daddy ! What's that?
Dad: That's a ghetto bird. (then to friends) Normally it's native to neighborhoods with a lot of black people… Wonder what it's doing here?

–Citifield Stadium

Overheard by: Matt F.

Posted on July 19, 2010
Birds, Cops, Dads, Friends, Kids, Queens, Questions, Race

She's Always Talking About Her Labor

Man with double-wide stroller: Everybody wants a muffin… Everybody wants a muffin, but nobody wants to work for it.
Kid: But mama does…

–Bookstore, Columbia University

Overheard by: Pat

Posted on July 17, 2010
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Food, Kids, Parents, Store, Wishes & desires

…According to the Statement Released by Her Publicist

Whiny tween: Daddy, I just got hit in the eye.
Yuppie dad: Oh! You did? Who hit you in the eye?
Tween and mom: Mommy did.

–Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Andrea

Posted on July 16, 2010
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Kids, Parents, Tweens, Violence, Yuppies

Who's Gonna Make a Lion Use the Litter Box?

Small boy, in genuine distress: Daaaaddy… It's dis-gust-ing in heeeere.
Father: I know. Come on, let's do our business.
Small boy: It smells like a lion pooped on the floooor! I wanna leave.
Father: Me, too.

–Men's Bathroom, Bronx Zoo

Posted on July 15, 2010
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, Parents, Parks, Poop, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Bronx

Dads Just Love the Custodial Weekends

Little girl walking in wedding dress: Where now?
Dad: Okay, so we'll take the stairs to the subway and…
Little girl: Oh no! Not the stairs. No! I'm not taking the stairs. You can't make me. And the subway…? (scoffs at dad)

–Port Authority

Overheard by: WalkonBystander

Posted on July 12, 2010
Dads, Directions, Kids, Parents, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…

–9th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Juliet

Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.

–Soho

Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.

–Pratt Institute

Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.

–Whitney Museum

Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Me too

Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!

–Times Square

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Artists, Arts & Letters, Bars & Clubs, College, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Friends, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, MoMA, Moms, Museums, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Psychology, Soho, Times Square, Tourists, Vagina, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

…Like Professional Athletes or the Cast Of The Hills

Father: Look at that! They list the number of calories that the food has. Ha! Who needs to know that, anyway?
Daughter, ten seconds later: Some people!

–Citifield Stadium

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

Posted on June 22, 2010
Dads, Diet/Weight, Families, Food, Queens, Questions