Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour

Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

–53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.

–Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

–Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

–City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.

–57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Fears, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Pee, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists

The Invisible Hand Behind Subway “Accidents”

Wall Street guy #1: So I was watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and my son asked: “Dad, what’s a lesbian?” I mean, I wish I could tell him about it when he’s ready.
Wall Street guy #2: Yeah, so anyway. They have these only boys and only girls birthday parties for the little kids down at Fire Island…
Wall Street guy #1: So you think the parties turn them into lesbians?
Wall Street guy #2: No, I’m just trying to segue into talking about something other than… (looks around train suspiciously) lesbians.

–Downtown 6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Fears, Financial people, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Kids, On the Subway, Questions

It’s a Possibility That Increases By the Second, Ma’am

Souvenir photographer: Please step down, ma’am. We are taking photos of everyone before we board.
Passenger: Is this in case I die?

–Pier 83

Posted on June 27, 2008
Accidents, Death, Default, Fears, Offers and requests, Pictures, Questions, Strangers, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Those Who Can’t Do, Wednesday One-Liner

English teacher: Alright class, let us come together and share our lists of literary terms. (pause) Just so we’re clear, "Lolcat" is not a literary term.

–Stuyvesant High School

Math teacher: Does everyone get why I can just get rid of the 8 in this equation? Because I’m just looking for an answer. (takes a deep sigh) …Aren’t we all?

–Hunter College High School

Math teacher: We might start this unit tomorrow–maybe not. Depends on how my jury duty goes. I just need to keep convincing them that I have no faith in the criminal justice system.

–Hunter College High School

Teacher: No excuses, we do not climb the walls!

–PS 234

Overheard by: sjhaughty

English teacher: It was the year after they invented college and I was in college…

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

English teacher: I love going to the supermarket because I love scaring little kids. I’ll be like: "Hellooo little boy," and he’ll run away screaming. Ah, I love shopping.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on June 25, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Hunter, Kids, Questions, Science, Shopping, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Words

Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan Dialogue Is Growing Increasingly Sinister

Guy: See you!
Girl: See you!
Guy: I love you!
Girl: You are killing me.
Guy: I ought to kill you.
Girl: What?!

–34th Street Station, B Line

Posted on June 19, 2008
Default, Fears, Girls, Guys, Love, Pick-up Lines, Relationships, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Weirdness

Otherwise My Stripper Act Just Wasn’t Cohesive

Old suit to magazine stand man: You know, they were going to transfer me to India but they had only one condition.
Stand man: Oh, what was that?
Old suit: I needed a cobra.

–University Place

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on June 12, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Animals & Nature, Default, Fears, Global Geography, Jobs & Careers, Old People, Suits, The Village, Threats

Not As Crazy As Adding and Subtracting a Random Hour Each Year

[At 3:00 pm.]Researcher: Oh, I needed to talk to you about the… Oh, wait, good morning! Sorry, good morning first.
Doctor: Morning!? It’s almost noon!
Intern, scared and whispering: Oh my goodness, they’re all crazy.

–NYU Medical Center

Posted on June 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crazy, Default, Doctors, Etiquette, Fears, Hospitals, NYU, Time, Weirdness

Not Without an Aluminum Hat, You Won’t

DOB lady #1: You ever see that stupid show, Family Guy?
DOB lady #2, with conviction: No. I don’t get involved in that mess. It’s a place you won’t come out.

–Brooklyn Dept. of Buildings

Overheard by: Choheat

Posted on June 5, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Default, Fears, Questions, Threats, TV, Women

The Dark Side of the Moon’s a Giant Litter Box

Kids: Ewwwwwww!!
Man with them: What about aliens?
Kids: Ewwww! Everyone knows they poop all over themselves. Poop alllllll over themselves! Ewwwwww!

–Frederick Douglass & 124th

Posted on June 2, 2008
Default, Fears, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Poop, Questions, Threats

So It’s Guaranteed You’ll Fall Asleep Right Afterwards

Hipster guy trying to make out with hipster girl: Come on baby, I swear I’m not drunk.
Exasperated hipster girl: Oh my god, I didn’t say you’re drunk, I said you have mono.

–Friday Night Bar Crawl, West 4th St

Posted on May 30, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, The Village, Threats

Fears