“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Food, Goths, Grocery Stores, Hard Drugs, Instruments, Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

We Don’t Serve That Here, Redux

Customer: I would like a coffee, a white coffee.
Barista: Excuse me, sir? You’d like…white chocolate in your coffee? We don’t do that.
Customer: Mo, I mean…like a black coffee, but with milk…a white coffee?
Barista: Where are you from, sir?
Customer: Near London, in England.
Barista: That’s the fourth one today, you English are crazy!

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Adrian

Posted on December 16, 2014
Baristas, Crazies, Customers, Food, Foreigners, Global Geography, Starbucks, Times Square

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Don’t Be a Traitor, Joe

Guy: I don’t get it. C-Town has more of a selection!
Girl: …I don’t know why you have to ruin this experience for me.

–Trader Joe’s, East 14th Street

Overheard by: ToneLoca

Posted on December 15, 2014
Food, Manhattan, Retail Therapy, Union Square and East Village

And Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Customer: Do you have pancetta?
Deli guy: We have white cetta and orange cetta.
Customer: Okay. Do you have prosciutto?

–The Met, Smith St, Brooklyn

Posted on December 10, 2014
Customers, Delis, Food, Stupidity, Waiters, Words

Like a Little Kid Knows the Difference?

Waitress: How do you like your toast? White bread or wheat?
Boy child: Toasted.
Waitress: I'm sorry, but how would you like it?
Boy child: Toasted.

–Manhatten Ave & Nassau Ave

Posted on December 10, 2014
Baristas, Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Questions

Everlasting Cockstopper

Chick: What is she waving around? Is that a penis pop?
Dude: Yes.
Chick: What flavor is it?

–Montien Thai, 12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 10, 2014
Food, Friends, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

I’ll Eat It, but the Fungus Love Is Out

Woman babbling in Spanish: Mushrooms! Fuck him! I can’t even tell you how… Fucking mushrooms… Michael Jordan? Really? Oy… It’s like… Uh… I didn’t catch him at the right time, you know?
Man: I don’t know Spanish. You cookin’ dinner tonight? Shit.

–6 train

Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

Posted on December 8, 2014
Crazies, Food, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, Straight Trippin'

“Because she’s dead.”

Guy #1: Dude, I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Okay.
Guy #1: I really want some crab salad. It’s only five forty-nine per pound here! I think Im going to get a pound. I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Dude, why don’t you just eat out Ada?

–Deli, Broadway between 10th & 11th

Overheard by: tina t lin

Posted on December 8, 2014
Delis, Eating Out, Food, Friends, Money & Class, Names, The Village

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

Posted on December 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Condoms, Drunks, Erections, Food, Friends, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, President, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Food