Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.

–Washington Square Park

Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi

Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!

–8th Ave & 42nd St

Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.

–33rd St.

Overheard by: Rio

High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?

–St. Paul's Catholic Church

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Church, Computer, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Internet, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Street, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.

–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd

Overheard by: wax

Posted on May 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Foreigners, Girls, Hair, Height, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Marriage, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Psychic, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Trust Me– I've Thought About This a Lot.

Crazy guy, about Scottish Deerhounds: See, they've got personality. They're enjoying themselves. They've got four legs, but we say we're smarter? I wish I had four legs.
German owner of Deerhounds: Then you couldn't open doors.
Crazy guy: But what if one of my front paws had a hand? Then I could open doors.

–Marcus Garvey Dog Run, 120th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: anna

Posted on May 17, 2009
Body Parts, Crazies, Foreigners, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Next to the Great Pyramid

British teen: My god, Americans are so stupid. And they're everywhere.
British mom: Oh, darling… I know, bloody morons. So stupid.
(a block later)
British teen: Mum, where's the Empire State Building?
British mom: Oh honey, that's in Chicago.

–7th and 48th

Posted on May 16, 2009
Brits, Foreigners, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Stupidity, Teens, Tourism

My German Friends Tell Me What They Are

Employee in fitting room: You all just cut those women in line.
Woman in line: No, they said that they weren't in line. Right? Isn't that what they told all of you too?
Employee: But they were here before all of you in line now, you can't cut them.
Woman: They said that it was okay. I wouldn't just jump ahead of people. I'm Italian, but I do have limits.

–Loehmann's, Upper West Side

Posted on May 2, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Italians, Questions, Shopping, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I Believe “Munchkinland” Is After “Mozambique” on the Shelf

Female customer: Do you guys have the Wizard of Oz?
Salesperson: Uh, I think that would be in “foreign.”

–NoHo Blockbuster

Posted on April 23, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Movies, Offers and requests, Store, Stupidity, The Village

$5 a Handjob Just Doesn't Stretch As Far As It Used to

Nigerian pharmacy assistant: Okay, is $50.00.
Overweight middle aged man: For that?! That tiny cream!? Forget it.
Nigerian pharmacy assistant: You don't want?
Overweight middle aged man: Nah, no thanks. I'll go with the rash.

–CVS Pharmacy

Overheard by: Jonathan Ferrantelli

Posted on April 17, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Fat People, Foreigners, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Store

I Hear Africa's Beautiful.

Guy from Illinois: Where are you from?
Girl: Rome.
Guy from Illinois: Oh, I've always wanted to visit St. Petersburg!

–Queensboro Plaza

Posted on April 16, 2009
Foreigners, Global Geography, Idiots, Italians, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

'Cause Nobody Worries About Fashion

Long Island JAP: God, don't you think it's tough here? New York is so difficult.
Israeli guy: It can be.
Long Island JAP: I wish I could live in Israel, it's just so carefree!

–F Train

Overheard by: Carefree in the DMZ

Posted on April 14, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, JAPs, On the Subway, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

I See Trashy People

Jersey girl #1: You know, I've always wondered how New Yorkers know when you're not from here.
Jersey girl #2: I know! It's like they have a sixth sense or something.

–Times Square

Overheard by: we just know

Headline by: Botticus

Runners-Up:
· “Close Your Map, Put the Lens Cap On, and I’ll Tell You” – Mr. B
· “No, They Just Know How to Use the Other Five” – Carson B
· “Pidgins, Our Eyes in the Sky” – Nick Pollotta
· “The Secret Handshake, Busting Tourists for 150 Years!” – Double Pumper

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 13, 2009
B & T, Foreigners, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Magic, Times Square

Foreigners