Girl #1: Let’s go to a karaoke bar!
Girl #2: Are you shitting me? My voice sounds like a cat being anally raped!
–East 6th, between 1st Ave and Ave A
Girl #1: Let’s go to a karaoke bar!
Girl #2: Are you shitting me? My voice sounds like a cat being anally raped!
–East 6th, between 1st Ave and Ave A
Girl: So you kept sleeping with him after he told you?
Friend: Yeah. I mean, he couldn’t have been that gay… We were having sex!
–Cafe Lafayette, Brooklyn
Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.
–Starbucks, 30th and Park
Overheard by: Faetra
Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Trixie
Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.
–129th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Koen
Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.
–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St
Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?
–4th Ave & Atlantic
Overheard by: Mike N
Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!
–CVS Pharmacy
Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.
–Bard High School Early College
Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.
–6 train
Overheard by: Carol
Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.
–Whiskey Park, Central Park South
Overheard by: Argopelter
Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.
–Houston & Sullivan
Overheard by: lish
Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.
–Starbucks, 44th & 9th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity
Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded library dweller
Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.
–L train, 3rd Ave stop
Overheard by: katiebeans
Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.
–56th & 5th
15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: gutterlush
Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’
–JFK
Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty
Girl #1: She wants a doggie.
Guy: A doggie?
Girl #1: Yeah, a doggie.
Girl #2: She likes it doggie?
Girl #1: That’s the only reason she lives for.
–Fort Green, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rat
Guy #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth… So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
Guy #2: I don’t get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
Guy #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn’t know what’s going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
Guy #2: He sounds like a good guy.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Bobby
Hipster #1: No water?!?!
Hipster #2: I can’t believe they’re denying us the most basic necessity … I hate everyone right now!
–McCarren Park Pool
Chick #1: I didn’t call you fat.
Chick #2: Yes, you did! I remember it vividly! But it’s okay, ’cause I just forgot.
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: may
