Friends

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

She Believes in Helping Achieve Statehood

Girl #1: He wasn’t even that cute. Like, not good-looking at all.
Girl #2: But you fucked him?
Girl #1: Of course, he was Puerto Rican.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Jim VB

That's What You Say About Every Train

College guy to friends: Where does the z train go?
Friend #1: Never heard of it before.
Friend #2: It's probably that train in the third Matrix movie.

–Canal St

Overheard by: justin

Captain Morgan

Woman: Yeah, you know, my oldest son’s father wasn’t circumcised.
Friend: Really?
Woman: Yeah.
Friend: What’d it taste like?

–12th St & 5th Ave

Too Bad None of Them Had Any Windows

Man #1: Yeah, I also been in jail in Texas, Alabama, and Georgia.
Man #2: I admire you, man. You been places.

–LIRR from East NY to Jamaica

When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene

Chick: I just don’t really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra…
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don’t think I’m going to do that anymore.

–Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick

Overheard by: Erin

Headline by: TWWS

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing My Swastika Thong.” – Craig should be working
· “Do I, Uh, Know You?” – clash
· “I Didn’t Hear Anything but ‘bra'” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “I’ll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead” – Katie
· “Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Topless It Is” – Sean McGurr

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"

–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: also loud

Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Overheard by: DonnaRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."

–Mercer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!

–East Village

20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.

–Express Bus to Brooklyn

That’s a Horrible Thing to Call Her

Queer #1: I should have known you had that one.
Queer #2: Yeah, I mean, I have every Barbra Streisand recording ever.
Queer #1: I shouldn’t have gotten that for you; it was such a stupid gift.
Queer #2: No, I’ll just sell the old one on eBay.

–1 train

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

“Thin” Being the Operative Word, Casanova

Guy #1: I kind of remember her from school. What’s up with her?
Guy #2: I’ve been hanging out with her a bit recently. Let’s just say she likes thin mints and I’m a girl scout.

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

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