When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene

Chick: I just don’t really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra…
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don’t think I’m going to do that anymore.

–Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick

Overheard by: Erin

Headline by: TWWS

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing My Swastika Thong.” – Craig should be working
· “Do I, Uh, Know You?” – clash
· “I Didn’t Hear Anything but ‘bra'” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “I’ll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead” – Katie
· “Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Topless It Is” – Sean McGurr

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 25, 2015
Brooklyn, Friends, Gripes, Headline Contest Winners

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"

–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: also loud

Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Overheard by: DonnaRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."

–Mercer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!

–East Village

20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.

–Express Bus to Brooklyn

Posted on April 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Latinos, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Rumor Has It, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

That’s a Horrible Thing to Call Her

Queer #1: I should have known you had that one.
Queer #2: Yeah, I mean, I have every Barbra Streisand recording ever.
Queer #1: I shouldn’t have gotten that for you; it was such a stupid gift.
Queer #2: No, I’ll just sell the old one on eBay.

–1 train

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Posted on April 24, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, e-Bay, Friends, Movies, On the Subway, Queer guys

“Thin” Being the Operative Word, Casanova

Guy #1: I kind of remember her from school. What’s up with her?
Guy #2: I’ve been hanging out with her a bit recently. Let’s just say she likes thin mints and I’m a girl scout.

–Times Square

Posted on April 23, 2015
Friends, Hook Ups, Penis, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Posted on April 23, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Handicaps, Insults, Internet, JAPs, JFK Airport, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, Suits, The Village, Threats, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Dread Ending Up on The Surreal Life

NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Lexey

Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.

–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn

Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.

–Museum Mile

Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St

Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!

–Cardozo High School

MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.

–1 train station elevator, 168th St

Overheard by: martin gehrke

Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: dutchman

Posted on April 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, On Cell, Race, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners

Mind the Gap (Stand Clear of the Closing Doors)

Chick #1: I went back on birth control this month. I’m using the Ring, except I don’t know if I’m using it right. I don’t want to take it out every time we have sex.
Chick #2: Wait, you shouldn’t have to take it out during sex.
Chick #1: That’s what I thought. Except, maybe I’m using it wrong, but I had sex and then afterward we couldn’t find it.
Chick #2: It can’t get lost up there!
Chick #1: It went so far up my cooter. And I swear I must have put my whole fist in there to fish it out.
Chick #2: There’s nowhere for it to go! It can’t get past your cervix.
Chick #1: How far up is my cervix?
Chick #2: Well, depends how long your vagina is. I think everyone’s is different. Maybe you have, like, a subway tunnel in there.

–Bleecker Playground

Overheard by: LMF

Posted on April 20, 2015
Advice, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Bisexuals Only Get a Block?

Drunk girl, holding hands with a boy and a girl: Oh, this is the bisexual block!
Less drunk friend: Uh… Let's take a picture of this diner so I don't forget it.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Teri

Posted on April 19, 2015
Default, Drunks, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Pictures, The Village

Teenage Girls: Unfiltered.

Guy: Don't smoke a cigarette. Seriously, put that out. You shouldn't be smoking! It says so right on the pack!
Drunk friend: Shut up! I want a cheaper abortion!

–Bleecker & McDougal

Posted on April 18, 2015
Abortion, Advice, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Money & Class, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, The Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut