Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.

–Washington Square East

20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!

–N Train

Overheard by: TR

Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!

–Bedford & Grove

Overheard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on July 14, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Families, Ferry, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Sexuality, Staten Island Ferry, Surgery, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Why Are You Looking at Me Like That?

Thug #1: Like when I was on the bus the other day and one of them sat down next to me and I looked up and was like oh shit, it’s a he-bitch. I had to get up ’cause I didn’t want him to touch me.
Thug #2: Yeah man, I feel you, I wouldn’t want no he-bitch sittin’ next to me either.

–Queens bound F train

Posted on July 12, 2015
Gender issues, On the Subway, Thugs

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Balls, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Insects, On the Subway, Stoners, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

Think I Can Put That on My Acting Resume?

Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on July 4, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Library, Queer guys, Sex, Weirdness

What’s That in Straight Guys?

Guy: I’m the only guy here.
Girl #1: But Moses will be here soon. Wait, that won’t change things.
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s more like half a guy.
Guy: Half a gay guy.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: Julz

Posted on July 2, 2015
Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, On the Subway

To Make Straight People Say “Fabulous”

Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: big spender

Posted on July 1, 2015
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Queer guys, Store, Yuppies

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

Leave Hillary Alone, People.

Flagrantly homosexual Hispanic drag queen: So, I was like, lookin', and I realized what we been hearin' is true! And damnnnn, he looked hot.
Equally homosexual drag queen who unfortunately retained many masculine characteristics: What?! She's a man now?!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on June 23, 2015
Drag queens, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Latinos, Physical appearance, Queer guys

Wait a Minute– Like Boys How?

Eight-year-old girl to older brother: I don't like booooooys!
10-year-old brother: I don't like boys, either!
Kids' ghetto mom to son: Boy, you betta like boys or I'mma pull your dick off.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: E.C.

Posted on June 23, 2015
Brothers, Families, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Penis, Sisters, Threats

Gender issues