Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Posted on January 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dreams, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kink, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Satan, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.

–87th & East End

Overheard by: Sophie

Posted on January 5, 2020
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Moms, Offers and requests, Retardation, Upper East Side

Adding Sacrilege to Injury

High school girl: I don't understand what you're upset about.
Middle school boy: She hit me with a friggin' Harry Potter book!

–58th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 4, 2020
Books & Writing, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Students, Violence

Ever Since I Accidentally Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on December 25, 2019
About Celebrities, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Parents, Physical appearance, Singing

When Snobs Sing Country Music

Curly-haired girl: When I think back on all the prestigious internships I had… I really regret how awkward I was.
Friend: (nods vigorously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Trist

Posted on December 24, 2019
Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nostalgia, Union Square and East Village

If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.

–11th & Broadway

Overheard by: Z

Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.

–Brooklyn Public House

Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies

Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Office, Midtown

Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!

–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hollister

Posted on December 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Crazies, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Licking, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Isn’t That Sweet?

[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.

–Starbucks

Posted on December 22, 2019
Advice, Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Starbucks

A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Posted on December 15, 2019
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Choke, Cum, Fashion, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Prostitution, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink, so I took him to the bar everyone was at.
Girl #1: Then what happened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hardly remember, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.

–CVS, 9th & 58th

Posted on December 10, 2019
Default, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One Night Stand, Pick-up Lines, Questions

America Runs on Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.

–N Train

All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?

–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!

–Uptown 6 Train

Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.

–East Village Urban Outfitters

Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.

–70th & Columbus

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Posted on December 7, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia University, Crazies, Girls, Kids, Love, Old People, On the Subway, Politics, President, Questions, Race, Smokers & Smoking, Store, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Girls