Wednesday One-Liners–Not for the Calorie-Conscious

3rd grader, cheerily announcing to subway: I'm starving! I didn't even have breakfast! (jubilantly) Just candy!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i tried that once

Cosi employee to another: Dude, don't tell anyone, but I put a *special ingredient* in the brownies.

–Cosi Restaurant

Fat girl with three skinny friends and a large cupcake: So what do you think our cupcake choices say about our personalities?

–Crumbs Bake Shop

Overheard by: Damon

Old guy with ponytail: You bootlegged My Bloody Valentine? That's like breaking into the US Mint and stealing the chocolate sauce!

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Good Analogy

Girl: And by "jellybean," I mean "fetus"!

–Christopher & W 4th St

Woman: It's no longer a chocolate vagina, it's just a pool of chocolate!

–Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom

Overheard by: Ilyssa

Posted on November 22, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Passengers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Skinny People, Street, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Tales from the Supermarket

Obese cashier lady: This soy milk supposed to make you slender?
Woman: Uh, I dunno.
Skinny cashier lady: Girl, ain’t no soy milk gonna make your fat ass slender!
Obese cashier lady: Shut your ass up.

–Gristedes, West 64th Street

Overheard by: vegannramember

Man #1: I’m talkin’ about cup noodles, nigga.
Man #2: Them shits is good.
Man #1: They’s cheaper than mac and cheese.
Man #2: Mac and cheese went up by a dollar!
Man #1: Tell me you is playin’!

–L train

Overheard by: Mason Buck

Cashier lady: How come this rings up as “Homo Milk”?

–K-mart, East 8th Street

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Loudspeaker: Aisle 10 is now open for customers with less than a million items.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: Christa

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Diet/Weight, Food, Grocery Stores, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Let’s Just Say My Name Used to Be “Bob”

Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: rko

Posted on October 18, 2014
Body Parts, Cashiers, Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women

Oooh, and Asparagus

Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany’s. Today I eat walnuts!

–Trader Joe’s, 14th St

Posted on October 16, 2014
Assholes, Celebrations/Parties, Couples, Gifts, Grocery Stores, Insults, Poop

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on September 28, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Poop, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Sweet Nothings in My Ear and Hot Tar on My Ass

Cashier #1: So then where did you go?
Cashier #2: He took me up to the roof.
Cashier #1: Girl, you are so lucky! He sounds so romantical.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that’s how I like it.

–C Town Supermarket, Queens

Overheard by: Sara Swank