Wednesday One-Liners Always Win the Limbo Contest

Girl to small friend: We’ll just call you ‘It.’

–Mercer & Prince

Overheard by: NYU Frosh Hater

Guy handing out Sovereign Bank bags: Free bags! Get your free shopping bag! This is the strongest bag you will ever see. It is so strong, it will hold… a small midget!

–5th Ave

Short girl: Whenever I go to these bars, I feel like everybody’s midget cousin.

–Bar, 53rd & 2nd

Midget to another: … And I told them I would work for them again but they couldn’t throw me around anymore.

–Bar, UES

Man: If he is out there exploiting himself he’s a midget, but if he gets up in the morning and puts on a suit and goes to work I’ll call him a little person.

–DeKalb & Kent Ave

Short, chubby woman on cell: I am not an Oompah loompa!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Rachel P

Posted on June 6, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Height, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

I’m Taking This Attribute and Running with It

Lady: Miss, would you please put that cigarette out?
Little person: Miss, mind your own business.
Lady: Well, I don’t need to breathe that. It’s not good for you.
Little person: Yeah, I hear it stunts your growth.

–Bus stop, Cross Bay Blvd & Liberty Ave

Overheard by: Vinnie

Posted on May 15, 2007
Comebacks, Gripes, Height, Little People (Midgets, Dwarfs), Offers and requests, On the Bus, Smoking, Women

L’Asshole, C’est Moi

Chick #1: Dude, he’s totally got that Napoleon complex.
Chick #2: Nah, man, he’s just an asshole that happens to be short.

–F train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kryssy K.

Posted on April 30, 2007
Friends, Height, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Remind You of Baby Carrots

Woman on cell: Well, we have a large problem — his thing is very small…

–Outside Papaya Dog, W 4th

Overheard by: notrob

Professor: So, you have all seen large penises and small penises, but you never see a fatty penis! [Class laughs.] Is that a ‘Yes, that is true’ laugh, or what?

–Columbia University Med Center

Female theater-goer: His penis would have been normal-sized if he was five-foot-six. As it was, everything was out of proportion.

–Golden Theater

Overheard by: Colleen

Drunk man with imaginary cup: Excuse me, sorry for doing this — I’m not shy, I just have a small penis, and I’d really appreciate some money for a penis enlargement surgery. And if not money, then a sandwich. A BLT or a larger cock. Thank you. I just want a larger cock.

–2 train

Overheard by: Man with the big penis

Posted on March 7, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Columbia University, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Hospitals, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Plastic Surgery, Restaurants & Cafes, Teachers/Professors, Theater, West Village

But I’ve Heard that’s Normal

Female doctor: How’s your baby?
Male doctor: Oh, you know — small.

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Overheard by: Blackbuttoneyes

Posted on November 23, 2006
Babies, Diet/Weight, Doctors, Height, Hospitals

The Paradoxical Height Thing Makes Them Insecure and Eager to Please

Schoolgirl #1: You know that tall short blond girl?
Schoolgirl #2: You just described about 250 girls in our school.
Schoolgirl #1: Um… the one who isn’t a whore.
Schoolboy: That narrows it down to about five.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: Fareeda

Posted on September 29, 2006
Fast Times at New York High, Hair, Height, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

Kids, Can You Find Five Things Wrong with This Corpse?

Girl #1: How much dead dick do we have to look at today?
Girl #2: This has to be fake. There’s no way any man this small was packing that much heat down there.

—Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Catherine

Posted on June 25, 2006
Girls, Height, Penis, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

When I Graduated 5th Grade, I Was Rewarded with Implants

Young teen boy: She obviously must wear push-up bras, cause sometimes it's big and sometimes it's smaller!
Young teen girl: I wore push-up bras in like, 5th grade. But once you start wearing them you can't stop, cause then everyone will know! But I don't need them anymore, I caught up.

–F Train

Overheard by: TheKatiedidntwearpushupsin5thgrade…

Headline by: Fresca

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing Pull-Ups Panties” – JohnnyB
· “No Boobies Left Behind Is Working Splendidly for American Youth” – rachel
· “Overheard at Dolly Parton Junior High School” – Vasyl
· “Somewhere There’s a Salvation Army Stocked with Wonderbras…” – RaRa
· “What You Call “Catching Up” Everyone Else Calls “Augmentation Surgery”” – If I can touch em.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on January 22, 2006
Boys, Clothing, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Height, On the Subway, Rack, Teens

Stranger Things Have Happened on Endor

A couple walks by holding hands, a tall man and a short woman.

Chick: What’s with the Wookie-Ewok love?
Guy: Dude, that’s harsh.

–13th & University

Girl: You know her, she’s making stuff up again!
Crazy woman: Hey! Did you just call me Chewbacca?

–1 train

Overheard by: poptart

Posted on December 6, 2005
Crazies, Height, Insults, Lies, Love, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village