Girl #1, pulling toddler-sized shirt out of diaper bag: Look, it'd take four of these just to cover my tits!
Girl #2, grabbing shirt: Me too!
Both girls in unison, singing to Britney Spears tune: My big ol' boobies, how was I supposed to knooooooow…
–Central Park
Overheard by: jenn
Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.
–Pratt Campus
Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.
–Marine Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn
Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.
–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St
Overheard by: JohnB
Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!
–Blockheads
Overheard by: how do you live?
Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?
–42nd St
Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Russel
Girl #1: It’s not a date. We’re just going to a show. It’s like if you and me went.
Girl #2: Except he’s not black and short like me.
Girl #1: And I love him.
Girl #2: You love me too.
Girl #1: I don’t want to suck on parts of your body.
–Madison Square Park
Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!
–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.
–LIRR
High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]
–#1 Train
Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.
–42nd St
Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.
–Q train, to 57th st
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.
–Union Square
Overheard by: UCB
Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess.
–Abington Theatre Lobby
Overheard by: Chris
Kid #1: You’re mad short, haha.
Kid #2: Shut up! I know I’m short! I haven’t grown at all! The only thing that grew was my dick!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: A.K.
Headline by: KMW
Runners-Up:
· “And Somewhere in America, Mary Kay Letourneau’s Ears Prick Up” – Sara
· “Everyone in Dwarf Porn Goes through This Moment” – M
· “I’m a Little Teapot, 2.0” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Whatchu Talkin’ About, Willis?” – Molly
Woman to little girl: You haven’t hit puberty yet, so you’re still a midget.
–Bloomingdale’s
Overheard by: Emily B.
Little pig-tailed girl, pointing: Look, Daddy! It’s the dwarf from the OTB!
–Court St
Overheard by: katattack
Man selling books, to lady with kid: Check out these baby carriages! There could be an Al-Qaeda midget or something in there… with a machine gun.
–80th & Broadway
Overheard by: Molly
Chick: You’re right! My best friend is gay, and they’re worse than midgets!
–55th & 3rd
Hipster girl #1: I’ve never seen a fat midget.
Hipster girl #2: Oh, god, who would ever want to see a fat midget?! I’m sure they don’t exist.
–1st Ave, between 12th & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
Sixth grader #1: When I grow up, I’m going to make a movie called The Tallest Midget!
Sixth grader #2: Nigga, you stupid.
–Triboro coach
Overheard by: face
Girl to small friend: We’ll just call you ‘It.’
–Mercer & Prince
Overheard by: NYU Frosh Hater
Guy handing out Sovereign Bank bags: Free bags! Get your free shopping bag! This is the strongest bag you will ever see. It is so strong, it will hold… a small midget!
–5th Ave
Short girl: Whenever I go to these bars, I feel like everybody’s midget cousin.
–Bar, 53rd & 2nd
Midget to another: … And I told them I would work for them again but they couldn’t throw me around anymore.
–Bar, UES
Man: If he is out there exploiting himself he’s a midget, but if he gets up in the morning and puts on a suit and goes to work I’ll call him a little person.
–DeKalb & Kent Ave
Short, chubby woman on cell: I am not an Oompah loompa!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Rachel P
