Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool

Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?

–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A

Overheard by: Doibles

Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

–9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: bildita

NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.

–4th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: john.ainley

Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?

–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg

Overheard by: NCT

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Islam, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Winers

Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"

–12th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Toto

Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.

–Pearl Theatre

Overheard by: Mariah

Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?

–Thai Restaurant

Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!

–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.

–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook

Overheard by: AeC

Posted on July 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hipsters, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYC Geography, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Superheroes, Theater, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Ever Try to Milk a Raging Bull?

Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Posted on July 14, 2008
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Default, Diet/Weight, Food, Hipsters, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions

Color-Coordinated Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year.

–House Party, Lorimer St

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and they’re all called Renae.

–Central Park

Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The color of money being green isn’t one of them.

–90th & 1st

Overheard by: Sam

Sad suit: Their yogurt is just too white.

–Outside Pinkberry in Koreatown

Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Middle aged gay man: Alright! I like colored pens! There, I said it.

–42nd St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Depressed, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Hair, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Queer guys, Store, Suits, Upper East Side, Women

For Your Information, We Need These Jackets for Medicinal Purposes

Waspy girl on cell: No, it’s totally safe up here. I mean there are hipsters on the street.
Passing hipster (to friend wearing Members Only jacket): Is she talking about us?

–125th & Park

Posted on July 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

Doesn’t He Live Inside All of Us or Some Shit?

Thin hipster: Man, 2pac is so fucking awesome.
Thinner hipster: Yeah, I guess. Dead role models don’t do much for youth.
Thin hipster: What about Jesus, man?
Thinner hipster: Forgot about him. Whoops.

–D Train

Posted on June 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Compliments, Death, Default, Friends, Hipsters, Jesus, Music, On the Subway

Geography Seems Immaterial in the Presence of an Irish Wolfhound

Lost barhopper: Hey, do you guys know where MacDougal Street is?
Hipster: Oh, I’m sorry dude. I’m just looking at the size of the fucking dog over there.

–Bleecker & Jones

Overheard by: KNation

Posted on June 30, 2008
Default, Directions, Guys, Hipsters, NYC Geography, Physical appearance, Questions, We Love Our Pets, West Village

Referencing Obscure Things Is What We Do, Babe

Hipster girl: You know, I’ll find out if you’re lying. Then I’ll kill you.
Hipster guy: Yeah, I’m sure you could, Magnum P.I.
Hipster girl: (blank stare)
Hipster guy: You know? Private investigator? In Hawaii? It was a TV show in the 80s? Tom Selleck?
Hipster girl: If you’re just going to keep referencing obscure things this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere.

–F Frain

Posted on June 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Lies, Murder, On the Subway, Threats, TV

Stephen Hawking Gets a Bum Rap

Dumb hipster girl #1: That genius is so hot.
Dumb hipster girl #2: He gets more ass than a toilet seat. He has a lot of STDs. I read about him on williamsboard. There is like a 200 response thread about him and his STDs.
Dumb hipster girl #1: Well so do I.
Dumb hipster girl #2: What?

–Apple Store, 59th & 5th