Home, Sweet Home

Guy: I’m domestic.
Chick: You are so not domestic.
Guy: I’m a lazy domestic.
Chick: You leave bags of garbage on the floor of your room for days at a time!
Guy: Whatever. Domesticated cows shit inside.

–111th between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: djlindee

Woman from first-floor window of brownstone: Hi… Can I help you?
Hobo going through her trash: Uh… Is this house for sale?

–12th & 2nd

Overheard by: lolo

Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It's so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it's fun!

–41st & Broadway

Overheard by: really does live here

Slick guy: So, do the curtains match the carpet?
Hot bleached blonde: There is no carpet.
Slick guy: Oh.

–Starbucks, Times Square

Comedy show promoter: Comedy show tonight! 50% off, right here! What about you guys?
Middle-aged woman with husband: No thanks, we're seeing a movie.
Comedy show promoter: What about after your movie? We got late shows too!
Middle-aged woman: That's when we go home and have sex. Thanks, though.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Laura

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal

Relatively sober girl: Bruce, you can't sleep here. You live in Queens. Your bed is in Queens.
Drunk guy: No, this is my new home. I live here now. (points at the wall)
Relatively sober girl: Bruce, go home.
Drunk guy: I am home.
Relatively sober girl: No, your house is in Queens. Go there.
Drunk guy: Queens? Okay. (points to the left) I'm going to go that way cause it's longer. No…wait, (points to the right) That way.
Relatively sober girl: Whatever! I did not sign up for this tonight.

–9th St & Ave A

Guy #1: I finished my basement this weekend.
Guy #2: You finally finished it!
Guy #2: Yeah, it's now a finished basement.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Ron

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd

Little girl: I don’t wanna! I’m 8 years old. I’m 8 years old!
Mother: Honey, it’s 3 AM. We have to go home now.

–W 48th St