Girl #1: So then he asked if I would send her a birthday card.
Girl #2: Oh my god, seriously? Why would he want you to send his mom a birthday card?
Girl #1: I know! It's not like she sent me one on my birthday.
Girl #2: Slut.
–Amtrak, Grand Central
Overheard by: RG
20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Overheard by: Robert
Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.
–Uptown D Train
Overheard by: Wes
30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?
–Lafayette & Spring
Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…
–Times Square
Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!
–Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: Marc
Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!
–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: A great man
Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.
–7th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: mattamore
Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!
–Penn Station
Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?
–Bench, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Horrified
Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?
–Avenue B & 13th
Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.
–Kingsborough Community College
Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.
–Pearl St & John St
Overheard by: Matthew
Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: iwantinonthat
Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!
–86th & Park Ave
Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!
Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.
–A Train
Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.
–M&M Store
Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Wally
Clerk #1: Yeah, she said she wants me to be more possessive to her.
Clerk #2: What the fuck does that mean? Your bitch is crazy.
Clerk #1: I dunno what it means, but next time I see her I'm gonna say, “bitch, where you goin'?” and when she starts to answer me I'm just gonna yell, “no!”
–3rd St & Ave A
Overheard by: alex mwheel
Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!
–6 Train
Headline by: Trey Jackson
Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk
Little boy, pointing at Obama poster: Look, mommy it's Will Smith!
Mother: No, honey, that's not Will Smith. That's…uhmmmm… (to husband) What the fuck was his name again?
–Columbia University
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.
–F Train
Overheard by: penelope
Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.
–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt
Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.
–A Train
Overheard by: Suzi
Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"
–Grand Concourse
Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!
–Radio City Music Hall
Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amina
