Gay guy #1: Madonna's a bitch. She never returns my calls.
Gay guy #2: Wow, what a bitch.
–Central Park
Gay guy #1: Madonna's a bitch. She never returns my calls.
Gay guy #2: Wow, what a bitch.
–Central Park
Guy: All guys from Queens are douchebags…except for me. I mean, I do clean out vaginas, but not in a douchebag way.
Friend: In a fallacial way.
–NYU Palladium
Bimbette: Yeah, I never really heard from him since his funeral.
Friend: Did you say his funeral?
Bimbette: Yeah, it was sooo sad.
Friend: His funeral?
Bimbette: Sheesh, bitch, get a hearing aid!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.
–Office Building, 8th Ave
Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open
Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Amber Star
Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Ferna
Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!
–14th St Regal Cinemas
Overheard by: laughing despite herself
Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Shringle
Gay boy, after being interrupted mid-sentence: I am in the middle of a conversation! When you do that, you look like a rude bitch.
Rude bitch: I am!
–Marymount Manhattan College Cafeteria
Overheard by: Devnel
Philosophy professor: And John Stuart Mill says that, for example, if a person is drowning in a pond, a person walking by should save them no matter what the motive.
Girl: Drowning in a pond? A pond?! I'd let him drown just for being a moron.
–Baruch College
Overheard by: Hope I'm never drowning near her
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the garden is?
Bored looking suit: Ma'am, this is a stadium.
Tourist woman: You asswipe, I can see that, I'm asking where the garden is!
Bored looking suit: Lady… Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's two blocks down.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Man passing by window of chorus room: You can all suck my dick!
Chorus conductor, out window: Oh, you have one?
–Stuyvesant High School
Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Danielle
Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Val
Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: and by
Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.
–Q Train
David Letterman recruiter: Late show with David Letterman! Free tickets to David Letterman!
New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain: Letterman sucks!
–Time Square
