Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Women

And Why Does the Janitor Care, Anyway?

Sorority girl #1: He called me a dirty slut.
Sorority girl #2: You're not a dirty slut…you used a condom!

–Hana Market, Williamsburg

Posted on September 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Default, Insults, Sorority Girls, Store, Williamsburg

Despite Their Mutual Love Of Cardigans

20-something girl: So was he like that in real life?
20-something guy: Yeah. Everyone loved Mr Rogers. No one was like, “He's really a bitch,” like with Rachael Ray.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Quilty

Posted on September 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Questions, TV

Must Be One of Those Internet Colleges

Girl #1: Look at that old bitch in a schoolgirl outfit.
Girl #2: Shhhiiitt, what!? She think she going to school?!
Girl #1: Yah! Slut school!

–L Train Platform

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on September 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Education, Girls, Insults, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

My Plan for World Domination Is Working!

Bum making weird hooting noise: Hoooooooooo! Hooooooooo!
Girl #1: What the hell? Is that a man?
Girl #2 (sarcastically): Hahaha, no, it's a fucking Mack truck.
Bum: Hahaha you stupid bitch. Stuuuupid bitches. You thought I was a truck! You thought I was a truck! Hahaha! Stuuuuuuupid stuuuuuuuuupid!

–33rd & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Totally not a truck

Posted on August 29, 2008
Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

You Guys Are Becoming Chinks in My Armor

Construction worker #1: This place is expensive.
Construction worker #2: Ca-ching.
Korean store owner: I'm not fucking Chinese.
Construction worker #2: It's the cash register sound.
Korean store owner: I don't care, I'm not fucking Chinese, get out of my store.

–Canal & West Broadway

Overheard by: also not chinese

Posted on August 28, 2008
Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Global Geography, Insults, Koreans, Languages, Offers and requests, Race, Soho, Words

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Posted on August 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Crazies, Duane Reade, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Insults, Kids, NYU, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

They Do This at Least Once a Week

Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Money & Class, Panhandling, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

There Is No Taco Bell at Penn Station, Douche.

Guy to friend (as a security guard makes people stand up): See? You really can't sit on the steps of The Met anymore.
Friend: Is it because of the tourists? God, I hate the tourists. I saw tourists taking pictures of a Taco Bell at Penn Station today. Those fuckers.

–Steps of The Met

Overheard by: April

Posted on August 25, 2008
Default, Friends, Guys, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Pictures, The Met, Tourism, Upper East Side

One of the Many Perks Of Dating a Kennedy

Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!

–NYU

Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder

Posted on August 24, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, NYU, Relationships, Sexuality, Students, Teens

Insults