Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It's your shithead father that only loves you a little!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margaret
Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It's your shithead father that only loves you a little!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margaret
Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and —
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.
–Union Square
Husband on airplane: I would rather beg for mercy from Saddam Hussein than from you.
Wife: He's dead, keep your insults current.
(ten minutes after)
Husband: Bin Laden, that's who I meant.
Wife: (silence)
Husband: Have a Life Saver.
Wife, annoyed: You giving me a green one?
–Flight over JFK
Overheard by: Laurie Gwen Shapiro
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Girl #1: Look at those characters over there.
Girl #2: They’re Hasidic Jews.
–A train
Overheard by: ham
Black hobo: …a Palm Pilot. It’s like a super-powered cellphone. Damn, you’re a ignorant-ass know-nothing white trash motherfucker!
White hobo: Who you callin’ white?
–29th & Madison
Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: John Bender
Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!
–77th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.
–80th Ave & Columbus
Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…
–Central Park
Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.
–MacDougal & 3rd St
Overheard by: Jaco
Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…
–Fairmay Market, Red Hook
Overheard by: RStein
Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!
–Union Square
Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.
–Kinokuniya Bookstore
Overheard by: Chris Coll
Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use… You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, “Daddy, I want a unicycle!”
–F Train
Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!
–Broadway & 72nd
Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.
–12th St
(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!
–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo
Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!
–Union Square Subway
30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.
–Hell's Kitchen
