Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.
–6th Avenue & 11th Street
Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.
–6th Avenue & 11th Street
Guy: …it’s just part of my ineffable charm!
Girl: If “ineffable” means “unfuckable” you’re right on the money.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
–2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.
–57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
–Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
–Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”
–7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
–Midtown office
Girl #1: You know, if you think all songs are sung by a penis, they suddenly become funny.
Girl #2: You are high, you know that?
–91st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: SexyJewThang
Man #1: Is this one in English?
Man #2: Why? You can’t read.
–Lafayette & Spring magazine stand
Boy: Mom!…Mom!
Father: Dad. The name is Dad.
–Eli’s, 80th & 3rd
Columbia guy: I don’t think I should see Avenue Q on stage. Whenever I see puppets I start throwing up. Just throwing up all over the place. The same thing with porn. When I’m a father I’m just going to show my kids so much porn that they throw up. Then I’ll turn them into computer geeks.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Maxwell Cohen
Woman: I mean, he got really mad at me after I slept with his father…and it was only one time!
–6 train
Dad on cell: …we gotta go out by ourselves…the fuckin’ kids, they always want something, it never stops!…Yeah?! Well, what the fuck does the little Princess want now?!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Dad on cell: Hi, Sammy. How was school today?…Uh huh, what did you do in computers?…What do you mean, you had to show three pictures?…And you were able to do it?…You use Macs in school, right?…Yeah, it’s an Apple. A Mac is an Apple…You know that’s different than the computer you use at home…Yeah, it’s a different operating system…Well, I’m glad you were able to do it. Let me talk to Mommy.
–Acela Express train
Papa thug: Yo, next time someone pushes you like that, you don’t push back, you hear?…you kick him in the motherfucking face.
–12th Street between 1st & A
Overheard by: milo
Her baby daddy: …yeah, she’d be about 15 or 16 by now. But her mom was messin’ around, too, so…She better not come to me 50 years later sayin “she’s yours” cause I don’t play that. Plus, I got a little girl of my own, so I’m good.
–A train
Overheard by: lori dockendorf
Dad: Walking is just like running, only slower.
–Atlantic Avenue mall
Boy: I mean, if it weren’t for the child support, you’d be good, right?
Father: What?
–60th & 3rd
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Dad: Babies have giant heads…and our heads shrink as we get older.
–Museum of Natural History
Girl: Oh my god, I read today that a woman who won a million dollars in the lottery last year won another million again.
Guy: Yeah, I heard that. That’s amazing. She seems really nice and humble about the winnings.
Girl: Yeah, fuck her.
–23rd & 10th gas station
Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chris
Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. “WILL DO ANYTHING”.
Chick: Whoa, no, don’t say that. Soon you’ll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Peter
