…While I Wipe Off the Tears on My Sleeve

Promoter, stopping friends: Hey! You guys look like pretty awesome people!
Friend #1: Nah, we're really not.
Friend #2: Yeah, we're actually pretty lame.
Promoter: Well, you at least like kids, right?
Friend #1: No. I fucking hate kids. They're terrible. I punch them all the time.
Promoter: Haha. Well, what about animals?
Friend #1: Nope. I hate them too…especially kittens and puppies. I punch them too. I do the double punch. Kids and puppies at the same time. (starts punching the air violently with both of her fists)
Promoter: Okay then. You guys have a nice day…

–Union Square

Overheard by: hj

Posted on June 20, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compliments, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gripes, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Physical appearance, Punch, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Is This a Racial Incident? Discuss.

Hobo with cane: Is that a Pit Bull?
Man with dog: No, it's a Basset Hound.
Hobo with cane: That's impossible, Basset Hounds do not exist. It's a Pit Bull!

–Broadway & 10th St

Posted on June 15, 2009
Hobos, Man's Best Friend, Men, Questions, Stupidity, The Village

The Very Definition Of a Good Dog

Random passerby to man whose bulldog is urinating in garbage bag: He's a good dog!
Dog owner: Yes, he is!
Random passerby: Be careful, though, he could kill you.
Dog owner: Oh, he totally could.

–11th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on May 29, 2009
Advice, Alphabet City, Compliments, Man's Best Friend, Murder, Strangers

Do IT Guys Have Any Social Skills?

Loud chick: When gully's really hungry, he'll be like, “rowr! rowr!” And then he'll bite my leg.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on May 18, 2009
Body Parts, Food, Girls, Man's Best Friend, The Village

Trust Me– I've Thought About This a Lot.

Crazy guy, about Scottish Deerhounds: See, they've got personality. They're enjoying themselves. They've got four legs, but we say we're smarter? I wish I had four legs.
German owner of Deerhounds: Then you couldn't open doors.
Crazy guy: But what if one of my front paws had a hand? Then I could open doors.

–Marcus Garvey Dog Run, 120th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: anna

Posted on May 17, 2009
Body Parts, Crazies, Foreigners, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why E Is Bad, in a Nutshell

Hipster girl: So, we were talking about, like, Derrida, and like the universe, and then he just kissed me. It was so romantic.
Hipster gay guy, clearly not listening, staring into phone: Oh, so cute. So cute.
Hipster girl: James*, he kissed me!
Hipster gay guy: Woof, woof. Bark. Arf!
Hipster girl: What?
Hipster gay guy: I thought you were talking about a dog, so I chimed in.
Hipster girl: You need to stop doing E.
Hipster gay guy: It makes masturbating great, though.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 11, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Love, Man's Best Friend, Masturbation, Philosophy, Queer guys

In San Francisco, All the Dirty Lumps Are People

New Yorker: That's melted snow.
Female Asian visitor: What? But it's so dirty. It doesn't look like snow at all.
New Yorker: It's mixed with the dirt.
Female Asian visitor: Oh, I thought it was a dead dog!
New Yorker: What? Are you crazy?
Female Asian visitor: Wait. I need to take a picture of this.

–Midtown