Girl: So my dad opened Jake’s phone bill the other day and he’s like “I don’t want to alarm you or anything, but there’s a phone number on here that Jake has been calling all the time.”
Grandmother: Oh my god! You’re not saying–
Girl: And when we called it we found out it was that Chinese restaurant down the street. That motherfucker eats there all the time! So much that it put him over on his cell phone minutes. Can you believe that?
–Driggs Pizza, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Irritated girl, yelling at boy: No, no, no, no!
Old man, pointing at boy: No!
–78th St & West End
Overheard by: Husky Gregg
Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.
–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maianess
20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup
Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.
–Grand Central Station
Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: inching away
Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: good to know
(two guys bike past blowing a whistle and yelling, imitating a siren)
Old woman: Well, that about sums it up.
–Broadway & 19th
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Grandpa on cell: Okay, well, don't bump and grind with any boys!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Older lady: I'm anti-tchotchke!
–Hudson & Bleecker
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Older woman gazing out at the pond: Well this is it! Scumbag park!
–Turtle Pond, Central Park
Overheard by: Confused
Old guy sitting on bench, to other: I'm gonna send your picture to Bellevue, so they can get the food ready for ya.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola
Old lady: The sex shops came in after the gays moved up from The Village in the 80s. But that's okay…
–8th Ave & 20th St
Elderly well-dressed lady to other (in front of bong shop): This place looks good.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Philouza
Dude on cell: She was a size 16 before the baby, but now she’s a 32. She went from Kermit the Frog to Snuffleupagus!…What size are you?
–Staten Island Ferry
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
–5 Train
20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
Old guy in group: So, I saw this special last night on hauntings, and there was this one segment that reminded me so much of stories my aunt used to tell us about growing up in Brooklyn. She says their house had a ghost that haunted their attic and–
Young guy, interrupting: –Oh, cool! Was it the kind of ghost that tips over furniture and rattles tea cups, or the kind that flips you over in your sleep and rapes you up your ass?
Group: [Palpable silence.]
–Central Park Lawn
Old man to grizzled man working hot dog cart: Hey, how much can you give me a hot dog for? (vendor raises eyebrows) I'm broke!
Hot dog vendor: Papi, we all are, that's why we're out here working!
–Kingsbridge & Fordham
Old woman #1: … so now I have to go all the way downtown, because I’ve been getting these death threats from this man.
Old woman #2: And when is your surgery?
Old woman #1: I missed it because I was so distracted by the threats.
–Bx7 bus
Overheard by: me and my grandma, sitting behind them
Old man: No. Do not do that.
Old woman: I’m not! I’m really not!
Old man: Looking for the truth? That’s for idiots. That’s for morons. Trying to take the facts into your own hands? That’s for idiots. Don’t do it.
Old woman: I know! I’m not!
–14th & 6th
