An Infestation of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R&L

Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls!

–F Train

Overheard by: Reagan

Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure.

–16th & 8th

Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug!

–11th & Broadway

Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hipsters, Insects, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Still Makes More Sense Than an Old Man in the Sky

Little Asian boy: Mommy, is it true that the world is run by giants who plug it in and make it spin?
Mom: Where did you hear that?
Little Asian boy: I made it up.

–N train

Overheard by: Harmony

Posted on January 1, 2015
Animals & Nature, Asians, Kids, Moms, On the Subway

You’ve Seen Pulp Fiction Too Many Times

Black guy: …And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
White guy: Are you trying to mug me or what?

–7 train, 74th St Roosevelt

Posted on January 1, 2015
Black People, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, White People

That Means She Doesn’t Do Threesomes That Involve Those People

Sorority girl: I’m in three exclusive relationships right now.

–uptown 1 train

Overheard by: molz

Posted on December 31, 2014
Dating, On the Subway, Relationships, Sorority Girls, Yeaaahhh College!

On the L, the Conductor Appears as a Burning Bush

Conductor over loudspeaker: Oh you think you’re pretty bad by not giving up your spot.

Long pause.

Conductor over loudspeaker: Don’t go pretending that you can’t hear me now!

–N train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Posted on December 31, 2014
Conductors, Etiquette, On the Subway, Subway conductors

New Yorkers Never Look at You, Anyway

Man carrying camera and subway map: Do you think we look like tourists?
Woman carrying huge fanny packs, dead serious: No, I think we look okay.

–N Train

Posted on December 31, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Women

The Proctologists Ride The A

Old bag lady: …but once they stick the epidural in, they can just reach in and pull it out like that!

The very pregnant teenager sitting next to her did not respond…

–R train

Posted on December 31, 2014
Bag ladies, Medicine, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Some People Find Pedophilia Very Spiritual

Teen ghetto girl #1: But you’re 15! That’s 5 years. You’d be like a pedophile.
Teen ghetto girl #2: It’s not like I’m looking for a relationship. I just wanna bone.
Teen ghetto girl #1: I need to bring you to church. You need every kind of religion there is.

–1 train

Overheard by: inge

Posted on December 30, 2014
Age/Aging, Ghetto Chicks, Hootchies, On the Subway, Religion, Sex

It’s a Good Thing You Have a Trust Fund

Girlfriend: Why are you banging your head on the pole?
Boyfriend: I’m making my head stronger.
Girlfriend: You don’t make it stronger that way, you just hurt yourself.
Boyfriend: It does both.

–Crowded E train

Overheard by: Laurie

Posted on December 30, 2014
Couples, On the Subway, Stupidity

Especially with Your Hand in My Pants

Ice queen: She a ho. She be, like, talkin’ to mad guys and whatever, and she had sex with all six of those brothers.
Sensible girl, after long pause: Who are you to be calling anyone a ho?

–A train, Jay St

Posted on December 29, 2014
Friends, Insults, On the Subway

On the Subway