Girl #1: Well he’s only ten years older than me!
Girl #2: That’s almost rape! Sweetie, he’s probably some sick pedophile.
Girl #1: It’s not so bad…When I was sixteen he was only 24, right?
Girl #2: Well at least you’re intellectual equivalents.
Girl #1: What’s that?
–L train
Guy, showing friend family photos: This is me and my brother.
Friend: It's just the two of you? No sister?
Guy: Nah, man! If I had a sister, I'd smack her!
–1 Train
Overheard by: please don't smack me
Lady: When I was a kid, I would always invent things on the train. I’d tell my mom about them and then a month later they’d get invented.
Chick: Wow, really?
Lady: Yeah. It happened like three times that I talked to my mom about something on the train and then it got invented.
–2 train
Mother of 8-year-old: I don't mind that my son is so into zombies, Jesus was a zombie technically. After all, it's a healthy way for him to find our religion.
Mother of 10-year-old: I never thought about it that way. (to son) Joseph, do you like zombies?
–1 Train
Overheard by: sarah-Jaana Nodell
Guy #1: All right, we’re going to play the Canal Street Game.
Guy #2: What’s the Canal Street Game?
Guy #1: It’s also called “Name That Smell”.
–6 train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Whining teen girl: Why is the train so crowded this early in the morning?
Teen boy: I dunno.
Whining teen girl: Oh, I bet it's cuz Thursday is pay day. That must be it.
Teen boy: Yeah, that makes sense.
–L Train
Overheard by: Cindy Davis
Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.
–4 Train
Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!
–87th & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: GoneWithThe
Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?
–W 36th St
Overheard by: Ellen
Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Urch
Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?
–Middagh & Henry
Overheard by: Matty
Crazy guy: Somebody needs to give me the right hand! No one is ever willing to give me the right hand. Why won’t anyone give me a right hand?
Timid guy, sitting across from him: [raises his right hand]Crazy guy: Thank you.
–1 train
Overheard by: Only had the left hand
Black guy #1: No son, you’re cousins by marriage. It’s not blood, so it’s like you not even related. That shit doesnt count, son.
Black guy #2: Oh, for reals? So I can fuck with her and shit?
–F train
Overheard by: pearlywhirly
Professor: Fat people are often funny.
–Baruch College
Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Caitlin
Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!
–F Train
Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.
–8th St & Broadway
Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.
–Williamsburg
