Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana

Posted on December 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Idiots, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Women

Blood or Salsa? You Be the Judge

Woman: Oh, yeah, you know — like how Taco Bell had that Ebola virus outbreak.
Friends: Oh, right…

–Queens-bound R train

Overheard by: Nikki W

Posted on December 9, 2014
Friends, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway

Today, My Son, You Are a New Yorker.

Dad to four-year-old son: Okay, this is our stop.
Four-year-old son: I hate life.
Dad: What?
Four-year-old son: I hate life.

–1 Train

Overheard by: RAF

Posted on December 8, 2014
Dads, Depressed, Gripes, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Should've Used a Condom

I’ll Eat It, but the Fungus Love Is Out

Woman babbling in Spanish: Mushrooms! Fuck him! I can’t even tell you how… Fucking mushrooms… Michael Jordan? Really? Oy… It’s like… Uh… I didn’t catch him at the right time, you know?
Man: I don’t know Spanish. You cookin’ dinner tonight? Shit.

–6 train

Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

Posted on December 8, 2014
Crazies, Food, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, Straight Trippin'

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Posted on December 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, MILF, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Prison, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Students, Thievery, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

During Rush Hour, It's Hard to Be Certain

Yunnie girl #1: I hate the subway. You know, I've been fucked on the subway. Twice, actually.
Yunnie girl #2: Huh?
Yunnie girl #1: What–you mean you've never had sex on the subway?

–6 Train

Posted on December 6, 2014
Asians, Girls, Gripes, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Weirdness

Well, Except for the Loving

Old man: I like those boots.
Woman: Thank you.
Old man: But not the pants. They don’t work for me.
Woman: No? Sorry about that.
Old man: Yeah, I don’t like the dungarees. It’d look nice if you had a nice blue, deep purple pant suit.
Woman: Oh, you think so?
Old man: Yeah! You like my suit? Yeah, you do. I make it myself. You have to wear colors. I make all my own clothes, because I don’t like machines. No alcoholing, no smoking, no loving. I don’t like machines, I only like people.

–A train

Overheard by: Fashionista

Posted on December 6, 2014
Fashion, Old People, On the Subway

That Something Being Consumptive TB

Hobo: Sorry miss, can you spare any change? I haven’t eaten all day.
Girl #1: …Oh I so hate it when they ask me for money. I mean, like I work all week and then I’ll just give away my money?
Girl #2: Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. I once told one of them, “Hey, do you have any idea how much NYU costs? I had to take loans!” But he didn’t even care! He just kept on coughing to pretend he couldn’t hear me or something.

–L train

Posted on December 6, 2014
Biotechs, Education, Hobos, Money & Class, On the Subway

Like That Guy Urinating Over There

Mom: Well, now we’re all going to visit Grandma.
Anxious child: No, Mommy! I don’t want to go to the hospital!
Mom: But we’re going to visit Grandma today…
Anxious child, screaming: No! I don’t want to go to the hospital! People urinate on the floor!
Mom: Everyone can hear you!

–1 train

Posted on December 5, 2014
Kids, On the Subway, Pee

Then It’s Nothing but Wasteland Until Boston

Columbia girl: I can’t believe the 1 is skipping all the stops from 96th to 145th.
Guy: I know. You’ll have to transfer at 145th for the downtown.

Subway stops at 145th.

Columbia girl: Is this where Manhattan ends?

–1 train

Posted on December 5, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Manhattan, On the Subway, Stupidity

On the Subway