Guy #1: Yesterday I made some Valentines for my coworkers, and I made up little poems to go in them, to make them extra personal.
Guy #2: Like what?
Guy #1: “Roses are red, violets are blue, your cat chewed on my dick for a little bit, but I didn't know how to tell you.”
Guy #2: Did you get any Valentines back?
Guy #1: No.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Kidd
Young man: So I told her, “shut the hell up, you fucking bitch!”
Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater?
–A Train
Overheard by: Kelly
Staten Island chick to friend: Remember when we got off at this stop because some guy lied to us and told us we were in Brooklyn?
Uninterested friend to random guy next to her: I like your shoes.
–Brooklyn Bound 4 Train
Overheard by: Emma
Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.
–Union Square Cafe
20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.
–Mulberry & Canal
Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.
–V Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl: Excuse me, which of these trains goes to Manhattan?
Suit: Shut up.
–34th Street N/Q/R/W station
Southern woman: Oh! Are you a performer?
Chick: Yes, I’m studying acting and musical theater.
Southern woman: Wow! That’s so amazing! Maybe we’ll see you on Broadway one of these days! Good luck!
Chick: Thanks!
She leaves the train.
Southern woman: Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha!
–1 train
Old man: Is that a theater?
Old woman: No, it’s a McDonalds.
–42nd between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Adam Grosswirth
Overweight geeky lunatic protester: The perpetual battery will last longer than any of us! The perpetual battery is the answer to all of our energy problems! It will draw its power from the very vacuum of space!
–Union Square South
Overheard by: Percival
Crazy old guy with beard and hat with lots of buttons: Where is the moon? Where is the moon, where is the galaxy? Have you ever seen Men in Black? It's all about the galaxy. The earth is beneath Columbus Circle. The moon is at 64th and Central Park West. If you had to suspend reality, how would you do it?
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: Jingles
Professor: Has anybody ever seen a solar eclipse? Anybody, anybody? (silence) No? Well, maybe we were all inside on Facebook when it happened…
–St. John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Andrea
Visiting professor, explaining "word salad": Cream cheese to the moon mother, fuckers!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Obviously sober guy: I know Vikings eat ham, but what about Saturn?
–Rotating Cube Sculpture, Astor Place
Blonde: You cannot eat in space! It sucks you in.
–Union Square
Crazy bag man with hat full of buttons: Where's the moon, where's the moon? If the globe on Columbus Cirlce is the earth, the moon is on 63rd Street West. That is a test of spatial ree-al-uh-tee. How well did you do?
–Uptown 3 Train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Woman #1: He is so sophisticated.
Woman #2: He sounds like he is.
Woman #1: Yeah, like, he loves champagne. I’m just as happy with Colt 45.
–D train
Overheard by: Billy Dee
Girl #1: What kind of food are we having?
Girl #2: Italian.
Girl #1: No, I mean what nationality?
–L train
Overheard by: Eric Beers
Chick: Why did you move my beverage to the floor?
Woman #1: You’re not supposed to have drinks on the train. Especially not on the seats.
College chick: It’s not going to spill. Are you a cop?
Woman #1: No, I’m a taxpayer.
Chick: So am I. I have rights, too.
Woman #1: Yeah, I’m a cop.
Woman #2: Can you be a taxpayer and a cop?
–1 train
Chick on cell: Fuck! I thought I told you not to touch that, asshole!
Chick #2: Watch your mouth, please. Not all of us want to hear that.
Chick on cell: Hey, I’ve got a ham hock and a cheesecake in my purse. I’ll give it to you if you mind your own business. Fair enough?
–F train
