On the Subway

I'll Take That As a Compliment.

Incredibly loud old black woman with cane, addressing two teenage boys with ponytails: Hey! You both got long hair! Are you faggots?
Boys, laughing: Nah, nah.
Loud black woman: You like dick?
Boy #1: Nah, we good.
Loud black woman: So you like pussy?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: Yeah, we like pussy.
Random eavesdropping guy: I like pussy!
Loud black woman to boy #1: You a handsome motherfucker. You sure you don't like dick?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Loud black woman: Good. If you was a faggot I'd stick my cane up your ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on May 10, 2010
Black People, Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Laughter, Old People, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Threats, Vagina

Can You Hold It 'til Brooklyn, Honey?

Little girl to dad: Daddy, I want to sit down.
Dad: Why don't you sit on the floor?
Little girl: No. I want a seat. I want a nice clean seat… so I can fart on it.

–F Train

Overheard by: waiting for weird smell on F train

Posted on May 7, 2010
Dads, Farting & Burping, Kids, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Wishes & desires

Duly Noted

Large black guy: ' Scuse me, do you know David Jensen?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry.
Large black guy: Oh, man, cuz you look just like him, have you ever been on tv? Friends?
Attractive gay guy: Nope.
Large black guy: What about Baywatch?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry, pretty sure the last episode of Baywatch aired when I was eleven.
Large black guy: You must get all sorts of shorties, right?
Attractive gay guy: Ha! Well, maybe if I wasn't gay.
Large black guy: Oh, man! I'm gonna have David text you, look out for his number.
Attractive gay guy: Uhhh, sure thing.
Large black guy, one stop later, as they're both getting off the train: Yo, just so you know, ain't nothing like pussy.

–7 Train

Posted on May 6, 2010
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Queer guys, TV, Vagina

Wednesdays Just One-Linered in Their Mouths a Little

Three-year-old boy to mother: Mommy, there is a baby in your stomach that is making you throw up.

–G Train

Guy with hand over friend's mouth, encouraging him not to throw up: No! No! No!

–Q Train

Guy, pleading with girl: Don't go home. (pukes on self) Why do you have to go home?

–32nd St & Madison Ave

Man standing next to woman throwing up: Beans and rice… No, corn.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julian

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Strangers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have Fifty Nursery School Rejection Letters

Two-year-old boy to mom: And after dinner, it's butt-shaking time!

–Brooklyn Heights

Tot in stroller: Mommy, I want the tabouleh… Mommy! My tabouleh!

–Food Emporium

Little brother pestering older brother playing PSP: What do you like better, Nutella or A-Rod?

–Stanton Tailor Shop

Two-year-old, after falling to floor when train swerved: Mother, I resent that.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on April 28, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Food, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sports, Store, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

White People Flee the Train Before It Gets to Wednesday One-Liners

Sassy black woman: You think I would have brunch in Harlem? I wouldn't even have lunch in Harlem!

–D Train

Overheard by: laughing

Dramatic girl on cell: But I love you. I would go to Harlem and back for you!

–Starbucks

Girl: Wow, Harlem is like a cultural playground. There are stores and everything.

–Metro-North

Columbia freshman girl: I would never let anybody in Harlem touch my vagina.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meagan

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Love, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Starbucks, Students, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Where We Acknowledge No One

Frustrated hobo: I don't know where y'all are from, but where I come from people acknowledge each other.
Suit: We're from New York.

–S Train

Posted on April 27, 2010
Comebacks, Hobos, On the Subway, Only in New York, Suits

What Lubriderm Commercials Are Like in the Netherlands

Old black man: Do you know why my hands are so soft?
White girl: No… Why?
Old black man: Because I'm a pimp, and pimps always have soft hands.

–2 Train

Posted on April 27, 2010
Black People, Body Parts, Jobs & Careers, Old People, On the Subway, Prostitution, White People

Does That Mean I Can Vote You Off?

Guy: I mean, we're on an island, too.
Girl: Seriously?

–1 Train

Posted on April 25, 2010
Girls, Guys, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

Quiet, Mr. President.

Guy: My butt is itchy!

–7 Train

Posted on April 22, 2010
Body Parts, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway