Old man to kid with musical instrument case: Gotta big case there.
Kid: Yep, I need it for school.
Old man: Is that a shotgun?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Knively
Old man to kid with musical instrument case: Gotta big case there.
Kid: Yep, I need it for school.
Old man: Is that a shotgun?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Knively
Student #1: If we spit at the same time they'll hit the rail at the same time.
Student #2: No way! My spit will beat your spit down, no problem!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Joseph Durning
Girl #1: Oh my god! You're so skinny, are you anorexic?
Girl #2: Omigosh! Thanks!
–B Train
Overheard by: Liv
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.
–R Train
Girl: Can I have a breakfast sandwich?
Dunkin' Donuts employee: Yes, miss, what kind?
Girl: Breakfast.
–F Subway
Tall Mexican woman: Hey, whatever happened to that little boy?
Nonchalant short Asian woman: Well, they found his head but not his body.
Tall Mexican woman, rolling eyes: Figures.
–C Train
Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.
–Outside Penn Station
Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.
–S Train
Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?
–Port Authority
Overheard by: quiet commuter
NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.
–Washington Square Park
Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.
–R Train
College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.
–Williamsburg
Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?
–Hunter College High School
Suit, blocking newly vacated seat and motioning to young woman at other end of the car: Would you like to sit?
Older woman, closer to the seat: Who the fuck is he… The seat police?
–5 Train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
