Old man to Asian chick carrying Stanford bag: Hey, let me guess–you go to school in California.
Asian chick: Yeah.
Old man: Stanford has more blonde girls than any other school in the country. True story. (wanders off)
–1 Train
Old man to Asian chick carrying Stanford bag: Hey, let me guess–you go to school in California.
Asian chick: Yeah.
Old man: Stanford has more blonde girls than any other school in the country. True story. (wanders off)
–1 Train
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!
–F Train
Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.
–3rd & 84th
Overheard by: Daniela
Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !
–Q Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.
–Library
Overheard by: Elyse
Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.
–81st St & Columbus Ave
Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.
–Thompson Square Park
Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.
–Ave A & 6th St
Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!
–J Train
Conductor: I know you all are in a hurry, and you are all very important, but we need to close the train doors or we ain't goin' nowhere.
Woman: I can't get in! Move in, people!
Conductor: Giiiiirl, let me tell you right now, no way in hell you're gonna fit. Step off and back it up, sistah. The train's moving.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Kris
Little girl: I'm gonna be 4!
Mom: In December.
Little girl: In December!
Mom: And you're gonna be this short forever. You're not gonna grow.
Little girl: Whaaa-aaaat?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Brigid
Little boy looking at a poster for “dance your a$$ off”: That guy is fat, she is fat, they are all fat.
Boy's friend: They are all very fat.
Babysitter: Hey, that isn't nice.
Little boy: But they are fat.
–1 Train
Overheard by: UWSider
Female: Yo, I can't understand you.
(pause)
Male: Vaaa-giiii-naaaa!
–Uptown Q Train
Boy #1: Dude, you are totally not a nerd anymore, just like I'm not that emo.
Boy #2: No, you're still totally emo.
Boy #1: What the fuck, dude? Look, only two bracelets and I'm so not rocking the eyeliner anymore.
Boy #2: Still emo.
–1 Train
Woman #1: Naw, he got a cabbage head like his father.
Woman #2: Like you, too?
Woman #1: Nuh-uhn. I got a turtle head.
–F Train
Overheard by: Doug Brandt
