Mom: Are you talking to yourself?
Five-year-old: Yes.
Mom: As long as you don’t answer yourself.
Five-year-old: Why?
Mom: Because then you’re crazy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Mom: Are you talking to yourself?
Five-year-old: Yes.
Mom: As long as you don’t answer yourself.
Five-year-old: Why?
Mom: Because then you’re crazy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
12-year-old boy to two 12-year-old girls, ending long story: So my dad peed in the apple pie!
12-year-old girls: Eeeeewwwww!
–W 77th & Columbus
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman: I need to pick up my child from daycare, where would she be?
Security guard: What age group?
Woman: I think she’s one.
–Rockefeller Plaza
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a smoke condition at Chambers Street. We will be delayed pulling into 42nd Street.
Teen boy: What the fuck is a smoke condition? My mom has a smoke condition. Subways don’t.
–1 train
Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.
–A Train
Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: cowgirly
Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.
–Metropolitan Museum
Overheard by: Derek
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Little boy: Ow!
Harried-looking mother: What?
Little boy: My ovaries hurt.
–N Train
Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.
–Herald Square
Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?
–E Houston & Ave D
Overheard by: haha
Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!
–Herald Square
Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.
–7th & 23rd
Overheard by: Stormy
Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!
–Fordham & Hoffman
Overheard by: sromeo
Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!
–Lower Manhattan
Overheard by: Steve
High school kid: I’m thinking of staying in the city for school.
Friend: Really?
High school kid: Yeah, I kinda want to stay in my apartment.
Friend: Oh, I thought it would be to party or something. Why would you want to live at home?
High school kid: Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to kick my mom out first.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: courtney
Eight-year-old son: Dad, I can’t even tell the Ninja Turtles apart! They all look the same, they just have different bandages and stuff.
Dad: Well, do you know their names?
Son: Uhhh… There’s the blue one… Armadillo?
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: hero in a half shell
