Conjoined, Bearded Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.

–Union Square

Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.

–St.Mark's Place

Suit: And his head was askew…

–79th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.

–The Village

Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Rick

50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!

–Broadway & 59th St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on December 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Models Are Easily Blinded With Science

European male model #1: You know, he’s albino.
European male model #2: Albino?
European male model #1: Albino? Albeeno?
European male model #2: Oh, albeeno, I know what that is. Red eyes.
American male model #1: What the fuck? Blue eyes, man.
European male model #2: No, red. They don’t have enough…
European male model #1: Ferment.
European male model #2: Yeah, not enough fermentation in their eyes. It’s biology… That is biology.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on December 24, 2014
Colors, Default, Foreigners, Idiots, Models, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Science, Stupidity, Words

Tim Gunn in Person Is Not What You'd Expect

Strange old man to girl : Would you ever wear your hair like that? (points to a girl with afro)
Girl: Um…no.
Man, getting off train: Good. Have a nice weekend.
Girl: You too.
Man: And don't wear your hear like that. Or your daddy might have to whip out his belt.

–E Train

Overheard by: Jessie

Posted on December 24, 2014
Girls, Hair, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Strangers, Threats, Violence

Which Is Impossible Since We Never Touch Each Other… TMI?

New School girl #1: Hey! I love your dress.
New School girl #2: Thanks! I just got it.
Friendly professor: My wife has a dress just like that. When my mother saw her, she thought she was pregnant.

–New School

Posted on December 18, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Family Ties, Girls, New School, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village

Did He at Least Have His Emergency Mustache On?

Girl #1: You won't believe this. He was in the shower.
Girl #2: So?
Girl #1: He wasn't wearing a hat.
Girl #2: Oh my god!

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on December 16, 2014
Clothing, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Physical appearance, Queens, School

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Tonight on 16 and Stupid

Teenage boy #1: She had a hot body when I started fucking her, and now she lost it from having a baby!
Teenage boy #2: I never had to deal with that dilemma. Everyone I ever fucked already had babies before I got around to it.

–Brooklyn

Posted on December 14, 2014
Babies, Beauty, Brooklyn, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Teens

Is It Really an Accomplishment to Score Pussy If You’re Gay?

Hipster: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your new look. It’s rather… um… guido.
Guido: Yeah, I know. But the pussy, dude — the pussy, you wouldn’t believe.
Hipster: It better be good, because your eyebrows are waxed. And you’re a man.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: guido hater

Posted on December 13, 2014
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Friends, Guidos, Hipsters, Physical appearance, Sex & Relationships, Sexuality, Washington Square Park, Waxing

Drag Queens Everywhere: “Sacrilege!”

Hobo: You look like Cher.
Hipster chick: Cheeeeeeeeeeer? I don't want to look like Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.

–34th b/w 8th & 9th

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on December 12, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Hipsters, Hobos, Music, Physical appearance

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana

Posted on December 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Idiots, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Women

Physical appearance