Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, B & T, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Death, Fag Hags, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

The Bread Crumbs Have Thus Far Proven Ineffective

Gay hipster boy: Oh, look at that poor “lost cat” sign. That fur balls never coming back… I can't even figure out my way back home in Brooklyn.
Fag hag: True, that.

–5th Ave & 9th St

Posted on August 11, 2009
Balls, Fag Hags, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Queer guys, The Village, Weirdness

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Food, Fordham, Friends, Garbage, Girls, Global Geography, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Soho, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Does That Connote Romance in the Gay Community?

Gay guy #1 to girl: I only say these things to you because I'm your best friend.
Gay guy #2: Bitch! I'm her best friend!
Girl: Great. Now you guys are totally going to fight for me.
Gay guy #1: I will fuck him up right here. That's how much I love you.

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on July 30, 2009
Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Queer guys, Sex, The Village

She'd Also Like Me to Be Straight, So Occasionally I Fuck Men with Really Small Penises

Young gay man: Once I have my one drug, which is how I get off, I go to my church club, which is where I have cocktails with Jesus.
Older female friend: Cocktails with Jesus?
Young gay man: My mother likes me to go to church… I make a compromise.

–L Train

Posted on July 28, 2009
Church, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Friends, Jesus, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Care to Join Me in a Little Picnic?

Gay man: How long have you been together?
Girl #1: No, we're best friends!
Gay man: Okay, then which of you is straight and which of you is the dyke?
Girl #2: We're both straight!
Gay man: So you both like dick? Well, that is a wonderful thing to like.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Posted on July 28, 2009
Central Park, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Parks, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality

And Only I Am Escaped Alone to Tell Thee

20-something girl: You know what I miss? The 90s.
20-something gay guy: Oh, hell no, girl. Do you remember the hair? People had all that damn Aqua-Net left over from the 80s and didn't know what to do with it!

–NYU

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on July 24, 2009
Girls, Hair, Nostalgia, NYU, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions

Don't Fag Hags Have to Take a Course on Such Things?

Gay guy #1: Well, I was fed up with Maria. I told her that the conversation was over. I said, “girl, this is it. You better stop this or I will cut you.” Like “I know where you live, girl. You better watch your back.”
Annoying Latina, laughing: Well, you better be careful if you go and cut her. I think she might have Aids.
Gay guy #2: Say what?
Gay guy #1: Okay, what?
Annoying Latina: Yeah, well, it's okay cause not all Aids are bad.
Gay guy #1: Girl, what are you talking about? Aids is Aids!
Annoying Latina: Yeah, but there's those people that live with it. Its not that bad.
Gay guy #2: Okay, girl, then you go get Aids and tell me how that goes.

–13th St b/w University Ave & Broadway

Posted on July 23, 2009
AIDS, Compare/Contrast, Latinos, Queer guys, Questions, Stab, The Village

…Though He May Be the One I Just Blew in the Bathroom.

Gay man, getting off plane, to gay flight attendant: Hey, it's great to see you again!
Female flight attendant: Have you been here recently?
Gay flight attendant: Hell no, girl. I haven't been here in forever. I don't know who the fuck that man is.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on July 20, 2009
Airports, Flight Attendants, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Passengers, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness

A Piñata Full Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.

–108 St & Broadway

Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!

–17th St & 8th Ave

Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mike

Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Green Star

10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: H-Bomb

Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Friends, Global Geography, Kids, KKK, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Race, Rape, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Queer guys