Gay #1: I'm just nervous about holding the baby.
Gay #2: Haven't you ever held a baby before?
Gay #1: Yes, but not babies that matter!
–Candle Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jason Bowman
Gay #1: I'm just nervous about holding the baby.
Gay #2: Haven't you ever held a baby before?
Gay #1: Yes, but not babies that matter!
–Candle Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jason Bowman
Gay guy: I like baby clothes more than babies.
Straight friend: Good thing, cause you guys are missing a vagina.
Gay guy: But I do like babies more than vaginas.
Straight friend: You like a lot of things more than vaginas! You like traffic more than vaginas.
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: Also doesn't like vaginas.
11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.
–High Line
Overheard by: Kirby
NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!
–5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Just Visiting…
Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!
–PrideFest, Abingdon Square
Overheard by: proud dad
Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.
–Starbucks
Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?
–Hampton Jitney
Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so
Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!
–Central Park Sheep Meadow
Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh… something like that.
–L Train
Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)
–Applebee's, Astoria
Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Mira
Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"
–8th & 45th
Overheard by: i'd be scared, too
Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Brooke
Queer #1: He's just so hot.
Queer #2: Yeah, he's so gorgeous that everyone wants to have sex with him. Men, women, dogs… They all want to have sex with David Beckham.
–Bar 89, SoHo
Overheard by: undercovah sistah
Queer #1 to friend: I could have been drinking.
Queer #2, coming out of London Boutique: But I was shopping!
Queer #1: But now I'm sober!
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Colleen Elizabeth Campagna
Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: liat
Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bex
Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?
–145th & Broadway
Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sean
Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!
–West Village
Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw
Girl: She doesn't have sex.
Gay guy: Ugh. Why not? She looks like a dirty whore.
Girl: I don't know…
Gay guy: Like the kind of whore you'd spit on after cumming on her face.
–Bryant Park
Young gay man: The only woman I would have sex with is Bjork.
Disgruntled friend: What? That's like a lesbian saying she'd go hetero for Andy Dick!
–A Train
Overheard by: trainspotter
