Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done…but I love you.
–2 Train
Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am
Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Haley
Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.
–4 Train
Overheard by: I.D.H.
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
Student: Do you hate me, Mr Jones*?
Mr Jones*: I usually don't admit it, but in this case…
–Stuyvesant High School
Woman: Is that a ferret?
Teenage girl holding ferret: Yup.
Woman: Cool!
Teenage girl's father: You want it?
–5th Ave & 60th St
Headline by: daniellediamond
Runners-Up:
· “”We Got Gerbils Too And… Wait… You’re Not a Cop, Are You?”” – The Drifter
· “I Have Enough Oversized Rats in My Apartment, Thanks” – pestilentia
· “It’s Extra for the Girl – But She Does Tricks” – JohnnyB
· “Naw, That’s Okay, My Possessions Already Smell Like Urine” – Rebecca Loeser
· “Steve Hasn’t Perfected His Marriage Proposal Yet” – Al Bundy
· “Strangely, Also How He Got Rid Of Her Mother” – Samantha
· “We Have to Give It Away, My Daughter Is Having “Inappropriate Fun”” – Gimmy Stuv
Thug #1: Yo, what about the dildo, man?
Thug #2: Man, I washed that shit, man! It’s in my fucking dishwasher!
Thug #1: Fly, son.
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: QB
Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.
–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights
Small, nervous boy: Mom, what’s necrophilia?
Harried mother: Jesus Christ! I told you not to hang around Uncle Gary unless there’s another adult with you!
Small, nervous boy: I didn’t! My daddy was there, too!
Harried mother: Oh my god. We’re moving back to the Island.
–12th St & Ave B
Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!
–N Train
