Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity

Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!

Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!

–Times Square Shuttle Platform

Overheard by: D-Law

Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?

–Rockefeller Center

Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Overheard by: Matt

Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.

–The Cloisters, Harlem

Overheard by: M@

Posted on April 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Broadway Shows, Colors, Dads, Directions, Harlem & Morningside Heights, NYC Geography, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Vitamin Water Is Bullshit; You Heard It Here First

20-something woman #1: What kind of a name is “Osmosis Jones,” anyway?
20-something woman #2: Osmosis is a real thing actually. It's an ingredient in vitamin water.

–Kingsbridge & Jerome, The Bronx

Overheard by: not a scientist…

Posted on April 25, 2015
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Names, Questions, The Bronx

“Because if you did, you got me all wet.”

Woman: Oh my God?! Did you just pee on me?
Man: I dunno what you’re talking about, you crazy.

–NY Public Library, 5th Ave & 40th St.

Overheard by: Sabrina Braswell

Posted on April 25, 2015
Crazies, Library, Men, Pee, Questions, Women

Your Wednesday Has Turned on the “One-Liners” Sign

Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, JetBlue welcomes you to the city which all other cities are reflections of… welcome to New York.

–JFK

Overheard by: SJK

Pilot over loudspeaker: Alright folks, get into your seats quickly. You don't have to love the person next to you and this ain't a furniture store.

–JFK

Overheard by: Allie

Witty flight attendant: And in case that you have not been in a car since 1962, I will now demonstrate how seatbelts work.

–JFK

Flaming flight attendant: In the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. If this should occur, you may scream, then place the mask over your mouth and nose…

–JFK

JetBlue pilot: I hope you all enjoyed the flight. If you have any questions, please e-mail them to the Continental Airlines e-mail. Thank you for flying JetBlue.

–JFK

Overheard by: lonely passenger

Posted on April 25, 2015
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Flight Attendants, Internet, JFK Airport, Love, One-liners, Only in New York, Passengers, Pilots, Questions, Stupidity, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Got Some Hairy Wrists There, Do Ya?

Man: What’s that black band on your wrist for? Everyone has those things now. Is it like Kabbalah? Or to cure cancer?
Woman: It’s a hairband.

–Flight out of LaGuardia

Posted on April 24, 2015
At the Airport, Cancer, Fashion, Judaism, Men, Questions, Women

Moist Wipes For All Escaping Religous Persecution

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.

–Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah

Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 24, 2015
Ferry, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Poop, Questions

Ashley, I’m Serious!

Teen girl #1: Where did the stereotype that blondes are dumb come from?
Teen girl #2: Poland.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on April 24, 2015
College, Girls, Global Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

Just a Little Something for You to Think About While I Go in This Corner and Puke

Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done…but I love you.

–2 Train

Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am

Posted on April 24, 2015
Black People, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Love, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions

How Could He Be Responsible from All the Way in Gaza?

Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Haley

Posted on April 23, 2015
Boys, Central Park, Default, Education, Etiquette, Insults, Old People, Questions, Teens, TV, Women, Words

And I Can't Ask— He Doesn't Own His Own Brownstone

Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.

–4 Train

Overheard by: I.D.H.

Posted on April 23, 2015
Clothing, Idiots, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping

Questions

How Could He Be Responsible from All the Way in Gaza?