DOB lady #1: You ever see that stupid show, Family Guy?
DOB lady #2, with conviction: No. I don’t get involved in that mess. It’s a place you won’t come out.
–Brooklyn Dept. of Buildings
Overheard by: Choheat
DOB lady #1: You ever see that stupid show, Family Guy?
DOB lady #2, with conviction: No. I don’t get involved in that mess. It’s a place you won’t come out.
–Brooklyn Dept. of Buildings
Overheard by: Choheat
Girl #1: Which one is he?
Girl #2: He looks like a ninja turtle.
Girl #1: Oh, okay.
Girl #2: Put a bandanna on that bitch and call him Raphael.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Mandy
Little kid: Mommy, what is that smell?
Mom: Yes, dear. There are all kinds of smells in NYC! Is the smell bad!?
Little kid: Yes!
–51st St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Mena Mansour
Girl #1: Yeah!. I get 80 mother fucking % off!
Girl #2: Doesn’t that just make you wet?
Girl #1: No. I’m pretty sure it makes me gush.
–27 & 7
Overheard by: sf
Headline by: kerm
Runners-Up:
· “And I Know When Someone Rips Me Off Because I Get A Yeast Infection” – Dan
· “And That Is What We Call a Jew-gasm!” – Andi
· “Coupon Booklets Are Essentially Free Porn” – Matt
· “Cuidado – Piso Jugoso” – Grantankerous
· “Sam Walton Can Still Get the Girls.” – wal-mart women calendar girl
· “Sounds Like You Got 100% Off, To Me” – T Bag
Male passerby, to guy wrapped in blue cellophane: Dude, what are you doing?
Female passerby: Why are you wearing blue cellophane?
Guy wrapped in blue cellophane: It’s not blue cellophane!
–Wagner College
Girl: So she accidentally gave you head?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I’m confused as to how this happened. Did she like sneeze and somehow her mouth ended up on your penis? I’m just having trouble with the logistics of this. I mean it must have been a pretty violent sneeze to force her head that far down. Or was it more sensual, smooth kind of sneeze…
Guy: You’re a sarcastic bitch.
Girl: Yeah, but now you have STD.
–8th St
Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.
–Food Emporium, 86th St
Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.
–Ouidad
Overheard by: Pookins
Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!
–Burrito Shop
Overheard by: Marc
Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.
–Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Overheard by: Katie
20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…
–St. Marks b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: i wish i was
Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?
–40th & 3rd
Little girl: Mommy, it’s snowing in my eyes!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Elderly Hispanic woman wading through snow: Skoosh! Shoosh! Skoosh! Wee! Skoosh!
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Bus conductor in droning, somber voice: Ladies and gentlemen, due to inclement weather, the express trains are temporarily discontinued. [Suddenly sounding bright and chipper.] In other words, it’s cold outside, folks! So if you think you can just wait for the local, you wrong! So all y’all just get out the way o’ my doors and let’s go!
–4 Train
Drunk blonde: Omigod, is it like raining? There’s like water falling from the sky outside.
–LIRR
Girl on cell, on first nice day of spring: This weather just makes me want to drink…I have been sitting outside for ten minutes and all of a sudden I can’t get booze off my mind.
–72nd & Columbus
Pilot: Welcome on board flight number [mumble]… We have a 45 minute flight to Ithaca, New York, where the weather is [dramatic pause] fucking awful! Why you guys going there?
–LaGuardia Airport
Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.
–Amsterdam Projects
Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."
–Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Jynx
Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.
–W Hotel, 49th & Lex
Overheard by: Miami Hitman
Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Hungover sandwich maker lady: Man, I just wanna go home.
Girl, who clearly doesn’t want to make conversation: Mmmm.
Hungover sandwich maker lady: Man, I came in here drunk this morning!
Girl: Oh, uh, I’m sorry.
Hung-over sandwich maker lady: Why you sorry? I had the time of my life last night!
–Subway, 8th & University
