Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Wednesday One-Liners?

Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: alix

Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor

Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?

–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Robert

Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.

–70th St & Columbus

Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.

–6th & 17th

Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?

–UES

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Education, Friendship, Gender issues, Girls, Illness, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Singing, Tweens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Overheard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broadway

Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?

–85th & Columbus Ave

Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Death, Depressed, Diet/Weight, Fitness, Foreplay, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Happiness, Heroin, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

And I’ll Get All Nostalgic

Girl #1: What kind of food do you want?
Girl #2: I don’t know, I can do anything so you can pick.
Girl #1: Ohhh… Let’s get Indian! I really want Indian.
Girl #2: Can’t do Indian. It reminds me of anal sex.

–L Train

Overheard by: sneddy krueger

Posted on April 29, 2008
Backdoor, Default, Ethnic Food, Girls, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions

“Rapid I Movement” Is Otherwise Known As Narcissism

Professor: So REM stands for “Rapid Eye Movement”.
Befuddled girl: Then why isn’t it called “RIM”?

–Psychology Lecture, City College

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Words

People Should Be Made to Watch Footage of Their Drunken Selves

Drunk guy #1: Yo, let me get a cheese slice. No… Actually, what is that?
Drunk guy #2: It’s a lasagna slice.
Drunk guy #1: Nah, I need some fuckin meat. Give me a slice with some fuckin meat on it. Oh! You got any slices with alcohol? Give me a slice with alcohol on it. Give me some alcohol!

–Moon Pie Pizza, 4th St & Avenue C

Overheard by: soyloaf

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Don’t You Make Your Own Lunch?

Guy #1: You’ve been snackin’ recently.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Spitting in my sandwiches –and I still eat them, but there’s no trust!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Been Jamin’

Posted on April 28, 2008
Default, Excretions, Food, Friends, Friendship, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Words

But You Were So Supportive About the Red Dress!

Twelve-year-old boy: How do you know they don’t have kid’s sizes?
Mom: I just know they don’t.
Kid: But how do you know?!
Mom, impatient: I know!

–Christopher St., in front of Gay Leather Fetish Shop

Posted on April 28, 2008
Boys, Clothing, Default, Moms, Questions, Tweens, West Village, Wishes & desires

So I Should Be Fine

Student #1: Can you drink rubbing alcohol?
Teacher: No. If you do, you will die.
Student #2: Unless you’re Irish.

–Classroom, Edward R. Murrow Highschool, Brooklyn

Overheard by: anonymous

Posted on April 28, 2008
Brooklyn, Classroom, Death, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Global Geography, Questions, School, Science, Students, Teachers/Professors

You Can Watch Them in Their Natural Habitat

Little black boy in school group: Why are there all white people here? Is this a white people place, Miss Hannah?
Teacher: Well…

–Museum of Natural History

Posted on April 28, 2008
Black People, Boys, Default, Education, Kids, Museum of Natural History, Questions, Race, Teachers/Professors

You Know Smiling Is Illegal in This Zip Code

Starbucks employee #1: I just got so aroused when I made that caramel coffee today.
Starbucks employee #2: Oh god… You didn’t do what you did last time, did you?!?

–Broadway & Reade

Posted on April 28, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Coffee, Coworkers, Default, Erections, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Questions

But You Were So Supportive About the Red Dress!