Woman rushing out of train: Does this train stop at the next stop?
Guy: No.
–downtown C train, 59th St
Woman rushing out of train: Does this train stop at the next stop?
Guy: No.
–downtown C train, 59th St
Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald's: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Vagina happy!
–Fulton St. & Gold St.
Overheard by: the fundamental question
Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.
–1 Train
College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.
–40th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace
Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!
–Bleecker and Lafayette
Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?
–St Marks Place, Staten Island
Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!
–52nd & 7th
Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.
–Schenectady County Community College
Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?
–The Met
Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.
–Big Daddy’s Diner
Overheard by: Morgan
Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!
–Hell’s Kitchen
Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!
–Court Street
Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?
–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.
–Upper East Side
New Columbia student #1: So what are you majoring in?
New Columbia student #2: Um, like, math I guess.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: DH
Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: ian
Guy #1: Dude, I just totally saw my first dead guy!
Guy #2: Wow, how long have you lived here?
Guy #1: About two years.
Guy #2: Damn, it took you that long to see a dead guy? Have you ever stepped outside your apartment?
–Starbucks, Broadway
Tourist: Why does everyone on this train look so sad? Everybody looks like they’re having the worst day. [To girl sitting next to him] Are you having a bad day?
Girl: No.
Tourist: Probably because it’s so cold here. Is it always so cold here?
Girl: No. It’s really cold for March.
Tourist: It’s too cold to go swimming, isn’t it?
Girl: Yes.
Tourist: Oh, well. We’re headed uptown. What do you think my chances of seeing Woody Allen are?
Girl: Very slim.
–Manhattan-bound 4 train
JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m going to cut that phase in my life.
–NYU
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Headline by: Still got my original nose.
Runners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh” – Tadzio
· “I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work.” – stoobydoo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Already….” – Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writing My Autobiography Later Today” – Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion” – Casual Observer
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” – Chris
