Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.
–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd
Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.
–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd
Boricua chick #1: So does your new boyfriend go to school?
Boricua chick #2: Yeah, he goes to some fancy-ass school in Manhattan… BMCC or somethin' like that.
–Queens Blvd
Conductor: The next stop is…155th Street.
–Uptown D train, 170th St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Conductor, over radio: Hey, Steve, do we have to fill out an unusual occurrence report for being on time?
–Amtrak train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Mike
Conductor: This is a downtown 4 train making local stops. I repeat, this…Stop looking at me like that, nigga, or I’ll kill yo’ ass…This is a downtown 4 train making local stops…
–Downtown 4 train
Conductor, over loudspeaker: Come on! Step on the train. Don’t just look at the doors. Walk on!
–N train
Overheard by: Lila
Conducter: This is the back! This is the back of the train! The back, as in not the front!
–NJ Transit train, Penn Station
Overheard by: stupid tourist
Conductor: This is South Orange. South Orange. South Orange. [sound of a group of people cheering is heard over the speaker] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! This is South Orange!
–NJ Transit train from Penn Station to Dover
Conductor: We’re being held up by a C train in front of us. If you’re nervous or scared, we’ll be moving to our destination in a moment. No worries!
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: wasn’t too worried
Teenage boy #1: So, would you say she's a ho?
Teenage boy #2: No, I wouldn't say she's a ho, she just likes to fuck a lot.
–R Train
Guy #1: So how was your weekend? Did you go on the trip?
Guy #2: It was insane man, a real pagan festival.
Guy #1: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah, naked girls worshiping a giant tree. Totally crazy.
Guy #1: Did you make a love connection?
Guy #2: I actually made a few love connections, if you know what I mean…
–Men's Room, Hiro Ballroom
Overheard by: Yeah, we know what you mean…
Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?
–Broadway & Houston
Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?
–NYU Silver Center
Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Seth
Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.
–Metropolitan Museum Lobby
Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.
–Outside the Guggenheim
Overheard by: Devoted Puppy
Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Caller: Do you have Pavarotti tickets for 2008?
Customer relations rep: Um… No. You do know he passed away, right?
Caller: Yes, but he’s on the program for 2008.
–New York Philharmonic
Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.
–PAX, 57th St
Overheard by: Tech Support
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Boy #1: What's up with you two, anyway?
Boy #2: I mean I should just break up with her, because at this point I'm just using her for food.
–NYU Library
