A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: EthanK

Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.

–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!

–Columbia Law School

Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!

–23rd b/w 4th & 5th

Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.

–Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Politics, Preppies, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Who Wants to Listen to a Conversation in a Big Room Full Of Chairs?

Macho frat boy #1: Yeah, if we could get free tickets to the shows or something, that'd be sweet.
Macho frat boy #2: Dude…what shows?
Macho frat boy #1: The fuckin' plays, man! Don't you go to the fuckin' plays??
Macho frat boy #2: No.
Macho frat boy #1: You're a fuckin' douchebag, man.

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: wiggles

Posted on February 3, 2009
College, Frat Boys, Free stuff!, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Sports, Staten Island

And Mets!

Man with Jesus sign, entering Shea stadium: That's why we're here today! Because he died for our sins! Repent!
Baseball fan: Let's go Jews!

–Shea Stadium

Posted on February 2, 2009
Death, God Squad, Guys, Jesus, Shea Stadium, Sports

Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Posted on December 24, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Sisters, Sports, Theater, Theater & Dance, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Paul Reubens Is Really Down on His Luck

Kid on bicycle which is far too big for him to guy jogging by: Damn, mister, it's too hot to be running…wanna buy a bike?

–Carmine & 7th Ave

Posted on December 20, 2008
Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Sports, Street, The Village

But If That's the Way You Roll…

Rollerblading hipster #1: Do you know what the worst part of rollerblading is?
Rollerblading hipster #2: What?
Rollerblading hipster #1: Having to tell your parents you're gay…

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on December 6, 2008
Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Questions, Sports, Union Square and East Village, Words

Whoa, Breakthrough

6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!

–Trevor Day School

Posted on December 5, 2008
Psychology, School, Sports, Students, Time, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Get Physical, Physical

Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.

–Pratt Campus

Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn

Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.

–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St

Overheard by: JohnB

Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!

–Blockheads

Overheard by: how do you live?

Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?

–42nd St

Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Russel

Posted on December 3, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Black People, Brooklyn, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Kitten Makes It Look So Fun in That “Hang in There, Baby” Poster

Douchebag #1: Yo, let's see who can hang longer from the bars.
Douchebag #2: Naw.
Douchebag #1: Why not? You scared I'm gonna beat you?
Douchebag #2: Alright, fine, but I wanna wait until some ladies get on.
(train arrives at Union Square and some ladies get on)
Douchebag #1: Alright, let's do this.
(they both attempt to hang from the hand rails and immediately give up and let go)
Douchebag #1: That shit's stupid anyways.

–L Train

Overheard by: Jenni

Posted on November 17, 2008
Assholes, Fears, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Sports, Stupidity

Finding a Man with the Last Name “Foreman” Is the Tricky Part

Chick #1: Tell him what you're going to name your kids.
Chick #2: Dawn of the Dead, Alice in Wonderland, and Eli the Barrow Boy. What about you?
Chick #1: George…Foreman.

–Happy Days Diner

Posted on November 16, 2008
Books & Writing, Girls, Kids, Movies, Music, Names, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports

Sports

Who Wants to Listen to a Conversation in a Big Room Full Of Chairs?