Wednesday One-Liners Need More Bandwidth

Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything.

–W 28th St

20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!"

–42St & 2nd Ave

NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written.

–Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too

40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it.

–Outside Five Guys Burgers

Posted on October 20, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

“Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Wednesday One-Liners!”

NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.

–University Place & 12th St

Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Overheard by: Nicole Shipman

Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.

–125th St

Overheard by: Brian K.

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Education, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preachers, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Can You Meet Me Wednesday, Next to the One-Liners?

Collegiate boy to group of friends: Well, if you think about it, if you've met one person you've basically met everyone.

–6th Ave & West 4th St

Overheard by: Lucas

Guy to friend: I went to the anarchists' meeting, but they turned out to just be a group of spoiled, white, middle-class kids.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Deshmukh

Loud lady on cell: Yeah, just meet me here. I'll be in the basement in the sexuality section.
(pause, then even more loudly) Basement! Sex!

–The Strand

Overheard by: April

Redhead girl: No, I totally want you to meet him–I just don't want him to meet you.

–47th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Race, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

…Since You Said Eat Pray Love Was Too Advanced for Us.

Bored student, avoiding reading The Canterbury Tales: Is this going to teach us life lessons that we already know?
English teacher: Yes.
Bored student: Couldn't we read Chicken Soup for the Soul instead?

–Beacon St

Posted on October 4, 2010
Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Education, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, College, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, JFK Airport, Medicine, MoMA, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Security Guards, Should've Used a Condom, Students, The Met, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Laughter, Licking, Menstruation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Um, Aren't You a Little Old to Watch Hannah Montana?

High school girl #1: I love Hannah Montana but I hate Miley Cyrus. She's like a role model, you know? She shouldn't have taken those pictures, but… If she, you know, shouldn't have leaked them.
High school girl #2: I don't think she…
High school girl #1: Well, I know, but still!

–Flushing

Posted on August 1, 2010
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Pictures, Queens, Students

They're Not Bullshit

Hot female student #1: I'm sending out goooood vibes for my calc exam.
Hot female student #2: Dude, the universe totally doesn't care about your calc exam.
Hot female student #1: What?
Hot female student #2: It cares about kittens! The universe cares about kittens! Jesus!

–Bedford Ave & Campus Ave