Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
–1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
–W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
–Café
College girl #1: Ugh, I can’t believe I have to go to my uncle’s wedding. It’s his fucking third one!
College girl #2: His third one?
College girl #1: Yes! Why can’t he just go to some deserted island and get married by himself?!
College girl #3: Well, you can’t really get married by yourself.
(pause)
College girl #1: Will you please just be supportive? You know what I mean.
–MetroNorth, Harlem Line
Overheard by: rpk
Hobo: Can you spare some change?…Fine, you 8th graders!
Tween girl: Oh my gosh, he’s psychic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl #1: What should I get? Milky Way or a Twix?
Girl #2: Get the Twix, there’s a cookie in it so you’ll burn more calories by chewing that.
–Kmart, Penn Station
Rich girl, arguing with friend: You don't understand! I had a hard time this summer…I actually had to get a job!
Friend, in a sarcastic voice: You poor, poor creature…
–Times Square
Girl #1: So I think I saw a picture of this guy I know from class in Cosmo the other day. He was describing how he once cheated on his girlfriend.
Girl #2: No way! That guy has some balls, huh?
Girl #1: Huh? I don’t know. It was a picure of his face.
–Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Girl on cell: Yeah, so after I get the surgery, I’m not going to be able to drink or eat for, like, three months.
Friend, on speakerphone: Oh, man, that’s rough. Is there, like, a special diet you go on for that?
Girl on cell: I don’t know — I should look online. I’m sure plenty of people have done it before.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Katrina
12-year-old boy #1, watching movie set in Toronto: Those aren't even American coins!
12-year-old boy #2: No, dumbass, they're in Europe!
12-year-old boy #3: Yeah, they said they were in Canada!
–13th St & Broadway
Mother: The other day I walked past a bunch of Hispanic teenagers. They smelled really good.
Teen boy: It’s Axe.
Mother: What?
Teen boy: Axe.
Mother: Wait, what?
Teen boy: Axe!
Mother: Ass? That’s not nice to say about Hispanic people.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Kevo C.
